


You're A Tidal Wave, You're My Horizon Line

by Ninyaaaaaaah



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Interspecies Romance, Interspecies Sex, M/M, Mermen, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:31:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10979571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninyaaaaaaah/pseuds/Ninyaaaaaaah
Summary: What do you do with an injured merman?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [one_golden_sun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_golden_sun/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Your Eyes Could Steal a Sailor From the Sea](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10963965) by [one_golden_sun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_golden_sun/pseuds/one_golden_sun). 



> inspired by @one_golden_sun's fic "Your Eyes Could Steal a Sailor From The Sea"

Months passed. The seasons changed. The sun rose and set. The tide came in, and it went back out on a shimmering sea. 

At first, Lafayette’s gaze caught the horizon line as often as his heart beat, scanning the water’s surface for a flash of iridescent green-blue tail. His friends teased him about it, but he ignored them, a tiny part of his heart lost somewhere in the vast expanse of ocean. 

Hope ebbed and it flowed with the waves. 

When storms blew in and the waves raged high enough to shake their fists at the sky, Lafayette worried.

When the sea calmed, soothed by the sky setting a sun for it, painting pinks and oranges for the sea to dance a slow dance under, Lafayette wondered.

But he never caught a glimpse.

He started to wonder if he’d dreamt it, a beautiful merman caught in a net, speckled with freckles on warm brown skin that gave way to iridescent scales. A curious touch, a blurring of lines, a melting together of two bodies where the surf met the sand.

His heart squeezed painfully. 

How was it possible to miss someone he barely knew, and miss him so badly?

How was it possible to long for something he had only the barest taste of, the tip of his tongue and a memory in the back of his mind, worn smooth from careful reliving in countless moments over countless days. 

Over time, he paused on the end of the dock less often. He looked to the ocean in search less often. 

The longing dulled into a slow ache that he could ignore.

Most days, he could almost forget. 

Until a fishing boat returned to the docks at the end of the day, the low setting sun guiding it in. The fishermen disembarked, and young Matthias looked troubled. Lukas slung an arm over the young fisherman’s shoulders as they walked down the docks. 

Laf couldn’t help but over hear their conversation as he finished packing the nets away for the evening. 

“Do you really think it was? What if I killed it? What if it’s out there, hurt?”

“Aye, Matthias, you didn’t mean to, and it was gone before we could have done anything anyways.”

“But it’s bad luck… what if I cursed us?”

Bad luck.

The hair on the back of Laf’s neck stood on end. He could only think of a few things that fell into that category out on the open ocean, and one of them was catching or injuring a merperson…

Worry tasted sour in his mouth. Rationally, he had no reason to think it might be John. What were the chances of the same merman getting caught in a net, and then injured only months later… 

He couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in his guts.

The brilliant sunset colours were beginning to give up their hold on the sky to inky twilight and the first brave stars by the time Lafayette finished the day’s work. He started to head home, hands in his pockets. He was tired, and surely his worry was unfounded.

Still.

He made it three steps off the docks before he changed direction and, unable to keep his fears at bay any longer, sprinted on long legs down the shoreline to that spot on the beach he’d taken John so many months before. 

It was ridiculous to think the merman would be there. It was ridiculous to think that John was the same merman that young Matthias had injured. It was ridiculous to even jump to the conclusion that it was a merperson they were discussing in the first place.

But he’d hooked a sliver of his heart on the end of a delicate blue-green tail fin all those months ago, and what in the world could he know better than his own heart? 

He rounded the bend, and there was something there anyways, a darker shadow in the fading light. His breath caught in his throat and his heart beat faster. It couldn’t be, he couldn’t be…

Oh god.

Lafayette ran faster.

It was.

There was no mistaking the soft brown curls, the freckled brown skin, the shimmering tail. 

For one heart-stopping moment, Laf thought the merman was dead. 

“No.”

He breathed. Fell to his knees in the wet sand beside John, a sob yanked from his throat. It couldn’t be, he couldn’t be. There was blood in the sand, streaming dark red and frothy into the ocean with every wave that washed up.

Lafayette reached out and touched John’s shoulder, gently rolled the merman onto his back. His body was still warm. He had a deep gash in his side that bled sluggishly. 

“Oh no, no no no….”

This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t be dead, not when he was so, so perfect-

John stirred, moaning softly in pain. 

Lafayette’s heart did a back flip.

“John! John, John talk to me, please.”

He pleaded. Panicking, Lafayette tore his shirt off over his head, ripping the seams in the process. He pressed the balled up fabric to John’s open wound. Maybe if he could just slow the bleeding, stop it somehow…

There were predators in the water and on land both that would take advantage of John’s weakened state…

“Lafayette?”

John murmured weakly. He reached up, touched shaking fingertips to Lafayette’s cheek, and passed out cold. 

Laf didn’t stop to think. 

He scooped John up in his arms – the merman was surprisingly heavy, his long, slippery tail unwieldy – and ran.


	2. Chapter 2

The air smelled very, very strange.

It was the first thing that penetrated the fog in John’s head.

The second was pain. Insistent and throbbing in his side, pain that touched deep inside him and took precedence over everything else.

The world rushed back in all at once. John’s eyes snapped open and he sat up, sloshing a great wave of water over the lip of the tub. He gripped the edge of the tub with white knuckles, head whipping around, taking in the walls, the tub, the floor beyond it now soaked. His heart lept into his throat and threatened to choke him, his side ached and ached and ached but he barely felt it now, held tight in the claws of panic.

He'd been captured.

Stolen, taken against his will to be put on display, or killed, or eaten, or used as a toy. Humans were dangerous, hadn’t he been warned? Humans couldn’t look without wanting to touch and they couldn’t touch without wanting to take and they couldn’t take without wanting to consume.

And hadn’t he let them look?

Oh, hadn’t he let them touch?

And now here he was, taken.

He couldn’t see a way out of this strange enclosure, walls on every side. Even if he could, where would he go? He was trapped in this tub full of water, hardly large enough to hold him. He didn’t have legs, couldn’t run on dry ground. Even if he could, where would he go? Where was the ocean from here? How would he get there, even if he could escape?

He cursed his own idiocy. He’d only wanted a glimpse of the boat and the sailors on it, hoping against hope to see one in particular.

Now he was here, and who knew where here was. He was injured, and helpless. He couldn’t see the ocean. He couldn’t see the sky. He was sure he’d never see either ever again.

Despair washed over him in a slow, crushing wave.

A sob wrenched from his chest, and then he was crying and he couldn’t stop, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. He sank under the water, curled up tight in a ball around himself and covered his face with his hands and his tail. Terror shook him to the core.

His life was over.

Out of nowhere, a hand touched his shoulder. He flinched, choking back a shout of fear, and curled up tighter on himself, shaking and sobbing. The hand didn’t go away, just shook him gently. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? Put him back? Just kill him and be done with it? Why did they have to touch him and shake him and keep him in this tiny tub of water inside walls with no way out. He sobbed harder, caught in the vice grip of fear.

The hand didn’t go away.

It shook him again and again, gentle but insistent.

He tried to shrug the hand away, curled up tighter, to no avail.

The hand didn’t go away.

Rage welled up alongside the fear and he lashed his tail out blindly, hitting something with a satisfying thwack.

The hand disappeared, and John was about to sigh in relief, and then it was back, curving under his head this time, trying to lift his head out of the water, invading and touching and taking without his consent.

He was beyond rational thought. The fingers brushed his cheek and he turned his head, bit down hard. Blood bloomed into his mouth and he held on, dug his teeth in tight, felt delicate bones grind under his teeth. Didn’t care.

A second hand grabbed a great handful of his hair at the nape of his neck and yanked him half out of the water. He thrashed and fought, blind with panic, tail lashing.

“Little one, please stop biting me, I do not wish to hurt you.”

That voice. Tight and strained, but familiar. 

An afternoon so many months ago, where sand met surf. Lying in the sun and the water, tangled in the arms of a sailor who had treated him with kindness. A piece of his heart he’d left in his hands.

He froze, tail poised to lash out again. Opened his eyes slowly, hesitantly.

Found himself face to face with Lafayette.

With a howl of anguish, he spat out the sailor’s hand, let his tail fall limp.

“I-is it really you?!”

He sobbed, too afraid to believe his own eyes.

“It is, mon cher, it is.”

Lafayette nodded, and John flung himself at him. Laf caught him, wrapping those strong arms around him, scootching up to the edge of the tub and holding him as close as he could. John buried his face in Lafayette’s neck, clinging to him for all he was worth.

“Please don’t let them hurt me, please don’t let them kill me, you have to save me, please I’ll do anything!”

He wailed, fear still holding him tighter than Lafayette.

“Hey, wait.”

Lafayette’s soft voice got through the fear. His strong hands cupped John’s face, pushed him back enough that they were eye to eye. John took a deep, shuddering breath, staring at Lafayette with wide eyes. Laf’s thumb brushed across his cheek.

“What’s all this? No one is killing you, no one is hurting you. Where did you get all this from?”

Lafayette’s brow was furrowed, deep brown eyes troubled. John’s thoughts halted in their tracks. He took two more deep, shuddering breaths. Fear loosened its grip.

“The people who captured me! Where am I! Take me home!”

He was still afraid. His captors couldn’t be that far away, and they wouldn’t let him go so easily.

He was shocked when Lafayette’s response was to groan “oh, mon cher, no.” as sorrow crossed his face.

“I am so, so sorry John. You have not been captured. You are safe here.”

John blinked, his tears slowing in the face of such honest despair on his behalf. He reached out a trembling hand and brushed his knuckles across Lafayette’s cheek. His heart warmed when the sailor tipped his head into the caress. He wanted so badly to trust this man who had treated him with such kindness before, but…

“Where am I?”

“You are in my house. You were badly injured and I found you. I brought you here so you would be safe. As soon as you feel well, I will take you back to the ocean.”

John went weak with relief. He stroked his fingers down Lafayette’s cheek, feeling the change from smooth, soft skin to tightly trimmed facial hair on the delicate pads of his fingers. He took Lafayette’s injured hand in his, swaying with sorrow at the sight of the blood and the knowledge that he’d caused this wound when Lafayette had only wanted to help him.

“I’m sorry for biting-“

He blinked, taking in Lafayette’s full appearance for the first time. The man was drenched from head to toe, his previously voluminous hair flattened and dripping.

“-why are you so wet?”

He hadn’t thrashed that much, had he?

Lafayette grinned ruefully, a soft laugh leaving his lips.

“Ah, little one. I was not careful, and I received your tail to my face.”

John wanted to disappear.

Lafayette had only been trying to help, and he had bitten him, and smacked him in the face with his tail. He let go of Laf’s hand and sank, boneless, into the water as if he could hide there from his shame.

Lafayette’s head appeared over the lip of the tub, and his hands reached down and slipped under John’s arms, pulled him gently back out. John didn’t bite him this time. He hung his head, despondent.

“Hey now. Don’t look so upset. It is my fault, I frightened you badly, of course you would think to defend yourself. I should not have left you here alone to wake up and feel afraid and alone in a strange place, and for this I am so very, deeply sorry. Can you forgive me?”

Lafayette sounded so sad, so wounded, that John had to look up, had to meet those incredible dark eyes, and put aside his own shame.

“Forgive you? I attacked you, I should be asking for you to forgive me!”

John snatched Lafayette’s injured hand once more, turning it palm up in his hands, examining the bite mark he’d left. The flesh around it was already purpling and swelling, and he looked frantically around, wishing there was something, anything that he could do to fix it.

“Shhh, shh, John don’t fret. It’s okay, I will bandage it and it will be fine. Can we agree to forgive one another? It hurts me that I have caused you such distress.”

Lafayette’s words, his voice, his whole existence was so soothing to John that all he could do was nod. Of course. He would have forgiven Laf anything in that moment.

“Okay.”

John whispered, nodding. Exhaustion began to blur the edges of his vision and tug at his fingers. His head swam, and he sank down, resting his chin on the edge of the tub. Lafayette stroked a hand over his head, gentle, almost loving. John closed his eyes, sighed, struggled against sleep that tugged all the more insistently at him.

“Rest, little one. You have been through a lot. I promise I will be here when you wake.”

Laf’s gentle voice gave him permission to sink back under the water, emotion and blood loss taking their tolls on his body. The water enveloped him, only just covering his whole body. With a careful flick, he tucked his tail into the water and beneath his head for a pillow.

After a moment, he reached one hand back out of the water, groping blindly over the edge of the tub.

After a moment, Lafayette’s warm, dry fingers entwined with his and squeezed reassuringly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be my friend?
> 
> @ninyaaaaaaah (tumblr)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a merman makes discoveries

Despite Lafayette’s reassurance yesterday, John still woke with a jolt of fear at being somewhere so unfamiliar. He shot upright, water sloshing in the tub, eyes wide, before he remembered.

He was safe here.

He felt cramped, and tired, the wound in his side sore but not unbearable. There was a bandage wrapped, tight and neat, around his middle – had that been there yesterday? He hadn’t noticed in his panic. There was no way for him to stretch out completely in the tub, but if he wiggled just so, and shifted over here…

The end of his tail flopped out over the side of the tub. Not perfect, but better.

The water was growing uncomfortably warm, and John frowned as his stomach growled. He was hungry, and he was starting to be able to smell himself, a combination of fish and body odour that he was unused to.

Where was Lafayette?

He felt a little twinge of hurt – Laf had said he’d be here when John woke up, and now he wasn’t here. With a sigh, John shifted to rest his forearms on the side of the tub and lift himself up a bit so he could rest his head there and look around-

Oh!

Lafayette was right there all along. Stretched out on the floor on his back, one hand stretched towards the tub, asleep. John smiled, watching Lafayette sleep. He was the only human he’d really seen up close, and oh, he was a magnificent looking human indeed. Lafayette was long, with warm, brown skin and a well muscled body. His hair – dry now, John winced at the memory – was a cloud of tight black curls that John itched to bury his fingers in.

In sleep, Lafayette looked softer, at peace and relaxed. John wanted to know what he dreamed about, where his thoughts went in sleep, whether he was comfortable laid out on the floor like that…

He had so many questions.

He watched the gentle rise and fall of Lafayette’s breathing until he grew uncomfortable and had to shift positions. Sitting up again, John took a better look around the room. The tub he was in took up a large portion of it. He still couldn’t see any way out – how did Lafayette get in?- and no openings in any of the walls. There was a ledge on the back side of the tub, and it was lined with… seashells?

John picked one up, turning it over in his hands, heart aching with longing for the ocean. He put it back down and picked up the next one, a large conch shell with the inside blushing pink. He inspected them all, running his fingers over them, the familiarity of the shells in such an unfamiliar place creating a lump in his throat that was hard to swallow.

He already missed the sunrise and the sunset, the silk glide of water over his body, the freedom of endless ocean…

With a sigh, he rolled over in the tub and returned to the other side, propping his arms up on the side and looking at Lafayette. Still asleep. He looked so peaceful, but John was hungry and he was hot and he was starting to feel a little dizzy.

“Lafayette?”

The sailor didn’t react. If he couldn’t see his breathing, John might have wondered if he was dead.

John whined softly, hunger making his stomach roll. He dipped his fingers in the water and flicked droplets at Lafayette’s face.

“Come on, wake up.”

He dipped his hand in the tub again, flicked more water at Lafayette’s face. The droplets sprinkled across his nose and cheeks, but he still didn’t stir. John sighed, sinking down in the tub for a moment before trying again.

“Please?”

He pleaded. He flicked more water. He whined and squirmed. He banged on the side of the tub. He flicked more water.

Finally, Lafayette stirred, grumbling incoherently and rolling onto his side. He flopped an arm over his face and rubbed his face into it. John huffed, and flicked more water at him.

“Okay, okay.”

Lafayette mumbled, peeking out from under his arm at John. He let his arm fall and sat up, leaning back on his hands.

“Good morning, mon cher.”

His voice was rough with sleep, but his smile lit his whole face, and in turn, John’s whole world.

John smiled brightly, and wagged the end of his tail back and forth simply for something to do with the rush of warmth that started in his chest and grew too big to contain there. Maybe he could live without sunrises and sunsets if his day was bracketed by Lafayette’s sleepy smile.

“Good morning.”

John replied, trying not to appear too impatient. His stomach ruined that by growling so loudly that John blushed, and sank down in the tub until only his eyes peeked out over the edge. Lafayette laughed and stood up, stretching his arms up above his head and yawning.

“What would you like for breakfast? Eggs? Toast? Pancakes? What do you eat?”

John cocked his head to the side, sitting up and leaning back against the side of the tub. He curled his tail back into the water and looked up at Lafayette.

“I eat fish?”

He picked up one of the shells and turned it over simply to have something to do with his hands.

“Oh! Of course. Coming right up.”

Lafayette turned away, walked to the wall, and pulled part of it open, revealing more space behind it. John’s eyes nearly fell out of his head.

“Are you a wizard!?”

He asked, rushing to the other side of the tub, hands on the edge, stretching up to try to see what was on the other side of the wall. How did Laf do that?!

“Huh?”

Lafayette turned back, puzzled frown on his face.

“Oh! Non, this is a door. It is built to open and close.”

He demonstrated, pointing out the hinges and the knob to John, details that had failed to impose their significance on the merman.

“What’s out there?”

John stretched, trying to see past Lafayette. Laf stepped to the side, letting John see out into another room with walls, a big space. He couldn’t make out much beyond that.

“The rest of my house. I’ll show you, once you are feeling a little bit stronger.”

Lafayette stepped through the door, and moved to close it behind him. Panic shot through John’s veins, strong and unexpected.

“No!”

His heart pounded, and he nearly fell out of the tub. Lafayette stopped, the door nearly closed, and rushed back over to the tub.

“John? What’s wrong?!”

He grasped John’s shoulders gently, hands rubbing up and down, and knelt facing him.

“Please, please don’t close the door and leave me in here alone!”

John trembled in the aftermath of such sudden and intense fear. He didn’t want to be alone in these four walls with no openings, waiting for Lafayette to return and not knowing when. The thought made his breath stick in his chest, made his lungs forget how to work.

Lafayette leaned in and kissed him on the forehead, and John’s body warmed from head to toe, fear washing away now that Lafayette was right here with him.

“I will leave the door open, and I will keep talking so you know I haven’t left you, would that help?”

The way Lafayette looked at him, with real concern, like he really, truly saw him, made John melt. He nodded, and tipped his chin up, silently asking.

Lafayette smiled, and brushed his thumb over John’s soft lower lip. John’s lips parted at the touch, a soft breath huffing from his nose.

“What are these perfect lips asking for, hmm?”

He raised an eyebrow and John blushed, suddenly shy.

“Kisses?”

He whispered, timid.

“Well. I think I have one or two of those to spare.”

Lafayette’s voice was soft, his smile glowing. He leaned in and John closed his eyes, melting into Lafayette’s slow, careful kiss. He reached up, threading his fingers into Lafayette’s hair, ready to be swept away on the tide of Lafayette’s kisses. He whined when Lafayette pulled away, and Lafayette smiled, touching a fingertip to John’s nose. John crinkled his nose beneath Lafayette’s finger, smiling happily.

“Let me get you some food, and change your bandages. Then, I may have another spare kiss to share with you, okay?”

John nodded, though kisses were arguably more important than food.

Lafayette stood up and walked out, leaving the door open wide this time.

John stared after him, wishing he could see Lafayette, but he had disappeared. He could still hear his voice, though, talking brightly. John listened as Lafayette described the house, and the things he was doing, though John didn’t really understand half of it, he was happy just to listen to his voice. He looked around the room again, taking in the small details. Some pipes that ran along the ceiling and down to disappear behind the tub. A small ledge where the wall looked a little different. Things he’d missed before, and still didn’t know the meaning of.

Speaking of which… there was a small, round thing on a chain at the bottom of the tub. Curious, John leaned over to it, took the chain in his hand and rolled the delicate silver balls between his fingers. He didn’t know what it was…

Gently, he gave it a tug.

The round part popped out of a hole in the bottom of the tub, and the resulting gurgle startled a yelp out of John.

The water started draining down the hole.

The water.

Was draining.

Down a hole.

John stared, frozen, the plug dangling from his fingers.

The water.

Was draining.

Down a hole.

Panic kicked in and John screamed, flinging himself to the far end of the tub and scrambling as far up the edge of it as he could, body against the wall, white knuckled hands hanging onto the lip of the tub for all he was worth.

“Help! Help! Lafayette heeeeeeeeeelp!”

The water was swirling away, sucked down the gurgling, greedy drain at an alarming speed.

“John what’s wrong!?”

Lafayette came flying into the room, raced to John and gathered him up in his arms. John clung onto Lafayette with all his might, burying his face in the sailor’s chest.

“Don’t let it suck me down!”

He wailed. He fisted his hands in Lafayette’s shirt, virtually climbing his body in an effort to get away from the drain.

Lafayette held him tight, and laughed.

“Oh, mon cher. It can’t suck you down, you’re far too big.”

His big hands rubbed John’s back reassuringly, holding him tight. John blinked, pulling back to glance up at Laf’s face before fixing the drain with a suspicious glare. The water was gone, the tub empty.

“Are you sure?”

He asked. He flicked his tail farther from the drain.

Lafayette chuckled, gently setting John back down in the tub. John let go reluctantly, but stayed pressed up against the far end of the tub, staring the drain down.

“Positive. It is simply to let the water out when you’re done with it.”

Lafayette picked up the plug and pushed it back into the hole. John folded his arms across his chest and pouted.

“But I wasn’t done with it.”

Lafayette looked up at him, biting back more laughter.

“Then you should not have pulled the plug, silly fish.”

John blushed and looked away, ashamed at his overreaction. He was hungry, and tired, and his side hurt, and the cocktail of emotion he’d experienced since waking for the first time in this strange place was starting to catch up with him.

“Hey.”

Lafayette reached over, stroking the backs of his fingers over John’s cheek.

“You didn’t know. It would be alarming, if you weren’t anticipating it. Here, let me show you how to refill the tub. This way, you can refresh the water as often as you’d like. Would you like that?”

John nodded dubiously, still suspicious, and unfolded, relaxing a bit. He turned towards Lafayette, watched him kneel next to the other end of the tub. He touched a hand to two silver knobs that sat on either side of a spout.

“The left one is hot, the right one is cold. You turn them, and water comes from here.”

Lafayette touched the spout in between.

“Are you ready?”

John swallowed hard and nodded, eyes wide. He watched Laf turn the taps, and yelped in surprise when water poured out of the spout in a noisy rush.

He stared at the rush of water, eyes huge, body tense and pressed against the far end of the tub. 

“Too cold?”

Lafayette fiddled with the knobs. 

“N-no. Just… surprising. Too hot, actually.”

John started to relax, the fresh, clean water soothing him even in its unfamiliar form. 

“Oh! Here, come over here and you can adjust it.”

Lafayette beckoned John close, and reluctantly, John slid over, the water splashing over his tail. It felt good, not angry and aggressive like it sounded. Lafayette showed him how to fiddle with the taps, and John turned the hot water off, letting the cool, fresh water splash over him and fill the tub up. He sighed happily, sliding closer to the spray, mashing as much of himself under the spout as he could fit, and closing his eyes in bliss.

Lafayette laughed softly and dropped a kiss on John’s forehead.

“I am going to finish making you something to eat, will you be alright?”

He stood up and John opened his eyes, tipped his head back to look at Lafayette.

“Yes. I… if I wash, can we change the water again?”

John asked, aware that he wasn’t smelling his best and suddenly self-conscious. 

“Of course. You may change the water as many times as you like.”

Lafayette left the room, leaving the door wide open again. 

With Lafayette’s voice in his ears keeping up a pleasant stream of words, John bathed vigorously in the fresh, running water, let it fill the tub and embrace him, cooling his body and soothing his soul. 

He finished his bath and turned the taps off, but, eyeing the plug dubiously, decided to wait until Lafayette returned to drain the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be my frieeeeeeeeeend 
> 
> @ninyaaaaaaah (tumblr)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a sailor makes a couple small mistakes

John already felt leagues better just being clean and out of the stale, warm water. He couldn’t wait to eat, the thought of fresh fish making his mouth water.

It didn’t take Lafayette long to return, holding a plate of something in one hand.

It smelled… strange.

John tilted his head, trying to decipher the confusing scents coming from the plate in Lafayette’s hand. It smelled like fish… kind of. But not like he had ever smelled it before.

“Voila.”

Lafayette pulled a small folding table over to the edge of the tub and set the plate down on it.

“Pan seared halibut in a lemon dill cream sauce!”

John blinked. There was a slab of fish on the plate, browned and centered on a bed of colourful… something, and sitting in a pool of creamy… something, and there was a little sprig of green… something… sitting on the piece of fish. It smelled strange. It looked stranger. It barely even looked like fish???

But Lafayette was positively beaming at him. He looked so proud, and so happy, and the last thing John wanted to do was hurt his feelings after he’d been so kind, and he’d already slapped him in the face with his tail, and bitten him…

Lafayette perched on the edge of the tub and smiled down at John, offering him two silver instruments. John accepted them, blinking at the small, dull knife, and whatever this other thing was, four small tines on a handle.

“Um…”

What was he supposed to do with these? Or, for that matter, with the confusing situation presented on a plate in front of him. He didn’t want to be rude, but he didn’t know how to proceed, and he was frozen between embarrassment and confusion and not wanting to hurt Lafayette’s feelings.

“Oh! John I’m so sorry, of course you are still feeling weak! Here, let me!”

Lafayette took the tools back from him, and carefully cut a piece off the fish, spearing it on the tines, and brought it to John’s mouth.

John blinked again, blushing harder, and opened his mouth to accept the offered food. He chewed slowly, the unexpected and foreign flavours exploding over his tongue for only a moment before his mouth started watering profusely in protest. Oh, he didn’t want to hurt Laf’s feelings but…

He’d never tasted anything so awful in his life.

His nostrils flared and his eyes watered. His throat rebelled with a _”don’t you dare”_. He swallowed hastily, forcing it down, wondering how on earth he was going to get through eating the entire thing. It tasted like fish, but it just tasted _wrong_.

“Oh, mon cher… you do not like it?”

The distress on Lafayette’s face made John want to cry, but there was no use hiding it. Miserably, he shook his head, letting his gaze drop to his hands in his lap. Lafayette had been so kind and generous to him, and he couldn’t even be polite enough to eat a meal that Lafayette had worked to prepare for him.

“It’s okay! Please, don’t feel bad. I will eat this, and I will get you something you will like better.”

Lafayette put the knife and tines down and knelt on the other side of the tub, reaching in and taking John’s hands gently in his own. Offering comfort that he didn’t deserve for the hundredth time in the last day.

“I’m sorry.”

John mumbled, refusing to look up.

“No, no, little one. Please, I should have asked you how you liked your fish instead of making assumptions. Please, let me fix it. How do you prefer to eat your fish, little one?”

Finally, John looked up.

“Why are you so nice?”

He whispered.

Lafayette smiled, and squeezed John’s hands reassuringly.

“Mon cher, I am nice because I want you to feel comfortable and happy while you recover. Because I am sorry that bad things happened to you at the hands of my species and wish to make it right. Because I like you, and so I like to do nice things for you. It gives me pleasure to be nice to you, because you give me pleasure simply by existing.”

John stared.

“I… do?”

Were all humans this crazy? Lafayette’s kind words filled him with joy, even as he wondered what he possibly could have done that warranted such sweet things said about him.

“You do, silly fish. Now please, let me get you something better to eat?”

Lafayette stood slowly, letting go of John’s hands. John watched him stand, placing his hands on the edge of the tub. He was in awe of this man’s kindness, and his beauty, and that smile…

“Just… fish. Just like they are?”

He tipped his head to the side, unsure how to explain.

“In the ocean… I just catch them, and eat them?”

Maybe that would clear it up?

“Oh!”

Lafayette smacked a hand to his own forehead, and laughed.

“Of course you would eat it raw! Mon dieu, I’m so sorry John I should have realized!”

And then he was gone, disappeared past the doorway into the mystery that was the rest of his house, babbling away cheerfully.

John sat back in the tub, eyeing the plate and its strange concoction dubiously, feeling relieved that Lafayette had not been angry or hurt, and overwhelmed with the intensity of affection he’d expressed.

He was back in no time at all, and with a triumphant flourish, set a new plate down beside the first one, piled with three whole, unaltered fish.

“Voila! Trois poisson, just like they are!”

Lafayette returned to his perch on the edge of the tub and picked up the offending plate as well as the tines himself. He gestured at the whole fish, and grinned.

“Bon appetite!”

John watched curiously as Lafayette took a bite of the weird fish, and made a soft sound of pleasure, his eyes closing for a moment. Shaking his head a bit in disbelief, John picked up one of the whole fish instead. He wanted to eat neatly, he really did.

But he was starved.

Hunger took over and he wolfed down his meal, licking his fingers in satisfaction when he finished.

He washed his face and hands again while Lafayette cleaned up their meal and folded up the small table. Then, Lafayette changed his bandage – John marvelled at the neat stitching in his side- and re-bandaged his own hand – John winced, guilt stabbing him in the heart. John made Lafayette stay with him to drain the tub, retreating to the far end of the tub when Lafayette pulled the plug, suspicious despite Lafayette’s amused reassurances. He refilled the tub with cold, clean water.

“Where does it come from?”

He asked, holding his hands under the stream of water pouring from the spout.

“Oh, it comes from a well dug in the ground, and flows into these pipes”

Lafayette showed him, pointing at the exposed pipes.

“Oh! Why does that part of the wall look different?”

John pointed.

“Oh! That’s the window! Would you like it open? It’s so that you can see outside, and if I open it all the way, it lets the air in.”

“Window? Uhm… yes? Please?”

It sounded nice. He’d like to be able to see outside again, and feel the fresh air. He watched as Lafayette tugged on a cord, and the different looking part of the wall rose up, folding in on itself, and revealing-

“The sky!”

John gasped.

A small part of him hadn’t really believed he’d ever see it again. Tears filled his eyes as he drank in the sight of the endless blue sky, his heart aching for the open ocean. Lafayette opened the window, pushing it outwards, and the sounds and smells of the world rushed in, and John could hear the seagulls in the distance, and he could smell the faint breath of the ocean on the air that rushed in. He swayed with longing that started in the very centre of his being.

And then Lafayette was beside him, stroking his thumbs over John’s cheeks, pulling him close, their foreheads pressed together, eye to eye.

“You will get to go home, John. I promise you. You will see the ocean again, this is only temporary, until you are healed. I promise.”

He whispered fiercely, and John’s heart swelled with affection for this human, and longing for the water, and the irreconcilable co-existence of these two desires. He buried his face in Lafayette’s neck and stayed there, just breathing, sliding his arms around Lafayette’s body, holding him close, an anchor in the swell of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

He couldn’t drown in the ocean.

But he could drown in this.

Lafayette wrapped his arms around John, holding him back, strong hands stroking him. They stayed like that until John’s tail started to cramp, and Lafayette had to shift his weight.

“Come in here?”

John whispered shyly. They could both fit, somehow. He was sure of it. He needed Lafayette close, needed the comfort, needed to feel like everything was going to turn out okay.

Lafayette nodded and stood up, letting go of John reluctantly. He stripped out of his clothes and stepped carefully into the tub, sitting down beside John. They barely fit, but if John stretched out his tail and let the end flop out over the edge, and if Lafayette kept his knees bent, and wrapped his arm around John, then John could nestle in close and lay his head on Laf’s chest, draping his arm over his belly. From here, he could feel Lafayette’s heart beat, and he could see the beautiful blue sky out the window, and he could hear Lafayette breathing and smell both Lafayette, and the faint hint of the ocean.

If he closed his eyes, he could pretend he had the whole world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading and commenting, ily <3 
> 
> come find me on tumblr: @ninyaaaaaaah


	5. Chapter 5

Life began to settle into a pattern.

John woke before Lafayette, as soon as the morning sun began to filter in through the open bathroom window. In the quiet light of early morning, John would uncurl from the water, stretch languidly, and watch the sun slowly kiss the bathroom awake through sleepy, heavy-lidded eyes. He would listen to the birds – strange ones, with sweet little songs unlike anything he’d ever heard before – come awake with the morning. From there, the morning would begin to wake in earnest and the window would deliver endless sounds to John’s waiting ears; people in the streets, talking and shouting, sometimes music, other animal sounds that he didn’t recognize. Eventually, all of the sounds would blend and crash together into a strange melody that John simply associated with ‘daytime outside the window’.

Once that happened, John would turn his attention inwards, where if he cocked his head and listened carefully through the open door, he could hear Lafayette begin to stir. He had no concept of where Laf was, only that he wasn’t far. Soft sounds of cloth rustling, brushing against skin. John imagined Lafayette stretching, blinking sleepily as the sun kissed his handsome face awake –oh, what John wouldn’t give to become the sun, if only to have that privilege every day. He could hear the indulgent yawn, the soft pop of a stretched shoulder, soft mumbled French, and then;

“Good morning, my little fish!”

Lafayette’s voice would sing out through the walls and start up a hum of joy that went from John’s fingers to the tips of his fins and lit up the entire morning with a warm glow that was unlike anything John had ever felt in his life.

Then, even better, Lafayette would appear in the doorway. Breeches on but unlaced, riding enticingly low on Lafayette’s hips so that John’s gaze couldn’t help but follow the trail of dark hair down Lafayette’s stomach to where it disappeared under the soft hem of the breeches…

“How are we feeling today?”

Lafayette’s warm voice, thick and honeyed with sleep would drag John’s gaze back up to Lafayette’s sleepy, smiling face. John would smile back, the end of his tail waving back and forth with glee.

“Hungry.”

Was always John’s response. Cheeky grin on his freckled face. Eyes greedily drinking in the sight of sleepy, shirtless Lafayette. In the very back of his head the constant gnawing knowledge that this wasn’t forever, it wasn’t even for very long. Tried to memorize every detail while he could, the cut of Lafayette’s defined abs, his strong arms. The hue of his gorgeous brown skin, the tight corkscrew curls of his hair, the sleepy smile, warm brown eyes that crinkled in the corners…

Selfishly, he wanted it all. Forever. Felt hopelessly inadequate, nothing but an injured, inconvenient, greedy fish in a bathtub he didn’t even fit in, dripping water all over the floor, heart filled with nothing but want, want, want…

But then Lafayette came to him and knelt by the side of the tub, took his face in his hands, and kissed him. First on his cheeks, left, then right. Second on his nose, then forehead, chin, and finally mouth on mouth, slow and sweet and tasting of sleep and dreams.

If John could have lived in this moment for the rest of his life, he’d die happy.

Inevitably, Laf would pull away with a brush of his hand over John’s wet head, and leave him alone again. He would return moments later with a plate full of fish for John, and whatever strange thing he chose to eat for breakfast himself. He offered John a taste, and invariably John would accept, wanting to please, and invariably he would find the strange flavours and textures unpalatable.

He would eat his fish while Lafayette would perch on the side of the tub and eat his… whatever. Yuck.

Then Lafayette would disappear again and John would wash thoroughly. Lafayette would return to keep him safe while the tub drained, now fully dressed and preparing to leave for the day. He brought a large ceramic pitcher with him on the second day, and used it to pour water over John while the tub was re-filling. Inevitably, this would lead to playful splashing and soon Lafayette and the entire bathroom would be soaked all over again, and Lafayette would need to mop, and change his clothes, but he never seemed to mind.

Then he would return for the last time, kiss John goodbye, reassure him that he would be back before the sun went down, that he had to go to work, had to catch fish, had to bring John something for dinner so he would not starve.

And then Lafayette was gone, leaving John alone with the fading afterglow of the affectionate morning routine they’d settled into, and the warm, fuzzy feeling he got when he thought about Lafayette providing for him.

At first, he slept the day away. Healing required most of his energy. But as he started to heal, he stayed awake longer. At first, he was content to spend his waking moments in a half doze, listening to the sounds of the outside world through the window.

Soon, he began to get restless, and the hours until Lafayette returned started to seem longer and longer.

He simultaneously wished he would heal faster, and wished he wouldn’t heal at all.

When the wind blew the right way and sent a taste of the ocean through the window to tease him, the longing that overtook John was so powerful it made him sway, lips parting on a low keen of yearning. The breeze would change, and take the ocean away with it, leaving John with nothing but pain under his ribs, swelling too big to contain there.

With nothing else to do, John would slide back under the water and close his eyes, and fall into a sort of trance until he heard, as if from another world, a different door open, and then;

“Hello John, my sunshine, my sea! I am home!”

Lafayette would sing out, his greeting filling all of the space between himself and John, pushing the pain right out of John’s chest. John would sit up, and Lafayette would come into the bathroom, and John’s tail would wave gently back and forth in delight. Lafayette would change John's bandages, and then his own. They would eat together, and then Lafayette would slide into the tub with him and they would bathe each other, drain and refill the tub, and then lay back, entwined. They passed the evenings like this, curled together. Lafayette would read to John from books of poetry, or from stories of strange and wondrous things (many of which he had to stop and explain to John as they read along). Sometimes they would drift from soft, lazy conversation to soft traded kisses, to a gentle sort of silence that created a cocoon around them, and back again.

The sun would set, painting the sky in beautiful colours, and then the sky would fade to inky indigo, and then the stars would come out, and long after that, Lafayette would untangle from John and kiss him good night, and leave him for the night.

John would listen to the quiet sounds of Lafayette settling in to sleep, and he would remember that day so long ago, where they had first begun to explore each other where sand met surf. It seemed almost a dream, the warm sun and careful, inquisitive touches. The exquisite make love.

John would be flooded with a tidal wave of longing, not unlike when the breeze brought him teasing tastes of the ocean, and he didn’t know how to ask for what he wanted, and he was unsure if Lafayette wanted it too, and so he drifted to sleep in silence, watching the stars from under the water in the bath tub, and longed and longed and longed in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments <3


	6. Chapter 6

John had just started to truly get comfortable with this routine when it was turned on its head.

Instead of waking slowly and gently with the dawn, he was startled awake by a sudden cacophony of sound. The air smelled strange all over again, and the sky was dark, the friendly breeze no longer friendly at all.

And the sound.

Oh god, the sound.

John clapped his hands over his ears, the breath catching in his lungs. It sounded like the house was being torn down around him. It sounded like something was hammering relentlessly at the roof, trying to break it into a million pieces. Someone else had found him, oh god, someone was here to take him away from Lafayette-

A harsh gust of wind through the window, and the door slammed shut.

John flinched, cried out in fear, curled up in a tight ball. He squeezed his eyes shut, heart pounding in his ears.

“John?! John what’s the matter?!”

Lafayette had to shout to be heard over that horrible, invasive sound. John opened his eyes, wide with fear, watched Lafayette – naked – rush to his side, cup his hands gently over John’s hands. John shook his head, trying to find the answer in Lafayette’s face, saw nothing there outside of concern for him.

“What’s happening to the house?!”

John shouted, trembling with fear.

Lafayette huffed a soft laugh. 

”Oh you sweet thing.”

He removed his hands from over top of John’s and cupped his face. Kissed him slow. Kissed him sweet. Kissed the worry and fear right out of him until he was no longer panicking, just trembling and nervous, undone under Lafayette’s hands and mouth and deep brown gaze.

“It’s rain.”

Lafayette slid his arms around John, beneath his arms, and hoisted him up out of the tub. Moved one arm to cradle under his tail.

John let out an undignified yelp of surprise and wrapped his arms around Lafayette’s neck, holding on tight.

“It is not! Rain doesn’t make sounds like that!”

If this was rain, it was nothing like the rain John knew. The rain John knew made a soft hissing sound when it hit the water, and it was cause for frolicking play. It made the sky more like the sea, and it made the sea playful with delight. It made the merpeople frisky; water above, water below, water all around.

This rain was an assault. This rain was angry, threatening to tear down the house, threatening to expose John, so that other humans would find him and take him away.

Lafayette stepped towards the window and John hid his face in Lafayette’s neck.

“It is, and it does. When have you heard rain from inside a building before, hmm silly fish?”

Lafayette’s tone was teasing but not unkind, and he softened it further with a kiss to the side of John’s head. John flushed, embarrassed at his fear. He breathed in Lafayette’s scent, his skin warm from sleep, goosebumps rising on his flesh now that he was out of bed and all wet. John was overcome with the sudden desire to taste Lafayette’s neck. He didn’t fight it. Kissed Laf’s soft skin lightly. Nipped gently. His heart skipped a beat at Laf’s sharp intake of air. Licked a hot stripe over the skin he’d nipped.

“Look, mon Cherie.”

Lafayette stroked a hand down John’s hair, snuck two fingers under John’s chin and turned his head. Reluctant to leave the safety of Lafayette’s neck, John grumbled softly, then acquiesced, and looked.

It was just rain after all.

Rain, drenching an unfamiliar landscape.

Now that he knew what it was, the sound wasn’t so unbearable loud and invasive.

He’d almost go as far as to say it might become pleasant, once he grew used to it.

He looked out over the world outside silently. There were tall lanterns that lit it in a dim glow, just enough to see a little. The ground below wasn’t the soft sand he was used to, but stones pressed flat into the ground. There were buildings as far as the eye could see. A strange animal sheltered in a doorway across the way, dark fur flattened by the rain. It shivered, floppy ears hanging limp. John felt a stab of pity. He pointed.

“What’s that?”

“Hmm? Oh, a dog.”

Dog?

John rolled the new word around in his head, and accepted it with a mental shrug.

“Can it come inside? It looks like it’s cold?”

John looked at Laf, and then back at the dog, but it was gone. His face fell.

Lafayette kissed him on the cheek.

“No, mon cher. I have tried to coax that dog over to me before, but it is too scared.”

The thought saddened John more. He nestled back against Lafayette, looking out the window into the dark, wet night.

Lafayette shifted his weight, held John with both arms again.

“There is a little girl, just down the street, that it sometimes allows to feed it, though. Perhaps it will go there.”

He rested his cheek on the top of John’s head. John nodded, feeling better.

“Good.”

His side ached, and he was suddenly tired again. Lafayette stepped away from the window, lowered John back into the tub. The cool embrace of the water was a comfort, but he didn’t let go of Lafayette’s neck.

“Stay.”

He whispered into Lafayette’s ear, lips brushing soft skin. Felt a gentle shiver run through Lafayette, heard a soft huff of breath.

Lafayette turned his head, caught John’s mouth in a kiss that was a little less gentle, a little more heat. John whined into the kiss, stretched up, leaned in-

Lafayette pulled away, something dark and unreadable in his gaze. He shook his head gently, kissed John’s nose. Carefully unwound John’s arms from his neck.

“I wish I could, my love. But I will drown if I fall asleep in there with you.”

He stepped away, and John felt the too-familiar tidal wave of longing crash hard and heavy over his head. He nodded, fingernails digging into his palm, unseen in the tub.

“Goodnight, John. I will see you first thing in the morning, oui?”

He flashed his brilliant smile – an anchor in a hurricane – and then he was gone.

Choking back a strangled sob of frustration and desire, John sank beneath the water’s surface, holding Lafayette’s words close and secret to his chest.

 _my love_.

 

\--

 

Their morning was quiet, subdued. John didn’t splash Lafayette, just tipped his head back and closed his eyes and let Laf pour three pitchers of water over him. Felt good. Felt cleansed. Felt seen.

Somehow still felt like there was a hole gaping in his chest that nothing could quite touch.

Traded some silent kisses over the edge of the tub. Spent a moment pressed forehead to forehead, John’s eyes open, taking in every detail of Laf’s gorgeous face. Lafayette’s eyes closed, as if he was steeling himself for something, his hand steady on the back of Lafayette’s neck. Sighed, and stood up.

Left.

Returned carrying a stone. Placed it against the door so it wouldn’t swing closed by accident again.

Soft words exchanged before Lafayette left for the day.

One last long, slow, lingering kiss.

Then,

John alone again.

 

\--

 

He was dozing in the tub, his tail flopped out over the end, head back against the edge. He could tell from the way the sky bled into the bathroom that Lafayette would be home soon. Something was shifting between them, and he was unsure of what it was or what it meant. A small knot of anxiety settled inside him and made it impossible to completely relax.

He heard the door open and sat up. Tail wagged expectantly.

Deflated when no greeting was forthcoming. Slipped nearly all the way back under the water, dejected.

Sat bolt upright again at the sound of voices.

Two voices.

There was another human in the house.

Carefully, John folded his tail back into the tub. He could hear them moving around, the unfamiliar sound of two voices mingling and talking. One, then the other, sometimes both at once. Lafayette’s familiar warm voice, unhurried, gentle way of speaking. The new voice sharper, higher, faster. More words, spoken with more urgency, in a higher tone.

John cocked his head to the side, tried to make out the words. Couldn’t really.

Heard footsteps coming closer, ducked down until he was just peeking over the tub.

Heard them fade away again.

Sat up again, heard footsteps again, sank back down, and then there was Laf in the doorway. John sat up, gleeful, opened his mouth to say hello-

Lafayette shook his head, eyes wide, finger to his lips.

John froze, nodded.

Lafayette nudged the rock out of the way, mouthed ‘sorry’, and closed the door.

The blood drained from John’s face, nervous knot in his stomach tightening and twisting. Was that human Lafayette’s mate? Thoughts of being taken away by hostile humans were instantly replaced by thoughts of Lafayette, already belonging to someone else. Thoughts of another human getting to share all the things John couldn’t- walks in their world, hand in hand. Sleep, tangled together. Meals, the same things enjoyed by both. The make love.

Oh, god.

He stopped paying attention to the voices outside the bathroom, so it came as a shock to hear Lafayette’s strained voice:

“No! I am having some plumbing problems, you cannot-“

The door opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make my heart sing <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *****TAGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED FOR THIS WORK*****
> 
> There is smut in this chapter. Beware. 
> 
> (also probably pack kleenex. I'm sorry.)

John jumped in surprise, sloshing water over the edge of the tub.

The human in the doorway froze.

John froze too.

They stared at each other, uncomprehending.

Lafayette rushed up behind the new human, and stopped, steadying himself on the doorframe, and covering his face with his hand.

After a long, tense moment, John’s tail cramped up and he had to shift, letting it flop out over the edge again.

The stranger breathed out a hushed “holy shit” and then rounded on Lafayette.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing Lafayette?! You can’t keep that in here!? You’re going to end up cursed, this is bad luck, you’re going to curse the whole village, you can’t just, oh my god, what were you thinking, what the hell-“

“Alexander please.”

Lafayette held up a hand, stilling this smaller human’s tense volley of words. His voice was heavy, exhausted sounding. His shoulders drooped. He looked defeated.

“No, honestly, Laf of all the stupid, harebrained things to do, why would you even think-“

He started again. Surprise and fear and uncertainty honed to a sharp point of anger in John. Who was this small human, to barge in here and then start laying into his Lafayette. Wonderful, perfect, Lafayette who hadn’t done anything wrong?!

“Alexander. Please. He was hurt, what was I to do? Leave him there?”

Lafayette wasn’t looking at either of them, his gaze fixed on the floor.

John looked around him, searching.

“Yes!”

This human called Alexander hissed.

“For god’s sake Lafayette your bleeding heart will be the death of us all. You can’t have a merman in your house you know what happens to humans who take merpeople from the sea, for the love of all that is- fuck, Lafayette, you have to put it back-“

Thwack!

The sopping sponge hit Alexander square in the centre of his chest, and stopped the aggressive onslaught of words in their tracks.

“I have a name.”

John snapped.

Lafayette and Alexander both stared at him as if seeing him for the first time.

Alexander folded his arms over his wet chest and glared at John.

John glared back.

In the tense silence, Lafayette gently shoved past Alexander and into the bathroom. He settled himself on the edge of the tub and gestured for Alexander to come closer. Alexander shook his head. Lafayette sighed. John wished he had another sponge to throw at this unwanted intruder. Who was he, to barge so rudely into John’s world, to shatter the illusion that only he and Lafayette existed…

“Alexander, this is John. John, this is my friend Alexander.”

They eyed each other suspiciously.

Lafayette sighed again.

“John? Are you hungry?”

He asked quietly.

“I’ll wait.”

He eyed Alexander again. Didn’t really want to eat in front of him.

“Okay. I will return in a moment. Please, do not throw anything else at Alexander?”

Lafayette stood and slipped back out, leaving Alexander and John staring at one another in awkward silence.

“So… are you really injured, or did you just trick him?”

Alexander asked, nasty gleam in his eye.

John huffed indignantly.

“I am really injured. One of your kind got me with a spear. I would have died if Lafayette hadn’t found me and brought me here. You think I _want_ to be stuck in a bath tub?”

Emphasis on _your kind_ that made Alexander wince, and soften a little. John’s confidence grew.

“I have not, cannot, and would not put a curse on Lafayette. That would be a pretty poor way to repay his kindness, don’t you think?”

John propped his arms on the side of the tub and let his chin rest on them, watching Alexander closely. This human was much smaller than Lafayette, with lighter skin and sleek black hair. His eyes were a similar colour, dark, but not as warm. Strong nose, shapely mouth. John watched him begin to relax, soften a little.

“I… yeah, it would.”

A little frown crossed his face. John watched closely, fascinated by the proximity of another human being, expressions so different from Lafayette’s.

“Are you comfortable in there? It doesn’t look like you fit that well…”

Alexander gestured to John’s tail, hanging out over the tub.

“It’s alright.”

John shrugged.

Alexander bent down and picked up the sponge. Tossed it gently back at John. John caught it and set it on the edge of the tub. Alexander came a little closer.

“Can I… can I look?”

Alexander gestured at John’s tail, almost shy.

John waved it at him gently.

“Yes.”

Cautiously eyeing each other still, John let Alex come across the bathroom floor. Alex knelt –oblivious to the puddle on the floor- and took John’s tail fin in his hand, fanning the delicate fin out and looking closely.

John watched him look, studied the lines of his face with the same curiosity that Alexander examined his scales.

“And you’re sure you’re not going to put a curse on Lafayette? He’s the best friend I have, I can’t have anyone putting curses on him.”

Alex’s voice was kinder, eyes still on the iridescent sheen of John’s tail.

John smiled in realization.

“Yes. I’m sure. He is also the best friend I have.”

Their eyes met. Smiles of understanding.

Lafayette found them like that when he returned. Alexander sitting on the floor, John’s fin in his hands, asking rapid fire questions with his usual insatiable curiosity. John, lounged and at ease, watching Alexander closely, and answering as best he could.

He leaned against the doorframe and smiled.

When they noticed his return, Alexander stood. Thanked John, said it was nice to meet him. Gave Lafayette a long, appraising look. Shook his head a little bit, the hint of a smile on his mouth. Promised not to breathe a word of this to anyone. Let Lafayette walk him to the door, heads together, voices soft.

Lafayette returned bearing food. All conversation halted while they ate. Lafayette gracefully, John as though he’d never seen food before.

Lafayette moved the plates away when they finished and reached down, brushing his hand through John’s curls, smiling softly.

“Are you alright, little one? I tried to prevent Alexander from coming in here, but he is not a good listener. I am sorry.”

John pulled away, all of his earlier anxiety rushing back in at him. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

He let his gaze land on the shells lining the ledge, and wanted to cry. How fragile this all felt. His hopes and dreams. Two desires warring desperately in his heart. 

He picked up a shell and cradled it in his palm. A pretty mouse cowry, cream coloured and oval shaped and shiny and covered in brown spots. 

“That one reminded me of you… so I had to pick it up. I had hoped that they would help you feel a little bit more at home here. A little something from your home.”

John looked over at Lafayette, still cradling the shell in his hands.

“You… you collected these for me? They weren’t here before?”

His hands shook. He placed the cowry back on the ledge with the rest, looked at Lafayette again. 

Lafayette smiled, nodded.

“For you, mon cher.”

John just stared at Lafayette. His eyes welled up with tears and spilled over. 

“Mon cher? What’s wrong?!”

Lafayette sat up in alarm, and John shook his head, crying harder, unable to help it. Lafayette was so kind, so generous with his time and his home… 

And John was just going to lose him. To another human, who was more suited to being his mate. Or when he went back to the ocean, either way, it hurt so badly to have a taste of something he wanted so much, only to know it wouldn’t – couldn’t – last. 

He shifted over automatically when Lafayette climbed into the tub with him and sat down. He folded himself against Lafayette, tucking his face into his neck, and holding him like he never wanted to let go. Because he didn’t, and the want of that was going to kill him. 

He sobbed against Lafayette’s neck, Lafayette holding him close, stroking his back, winding his fingers through John’s hair, kissing his temple. Every touch, every kind whispered word, was another dagger in John’s heart. When he had only known Lafayette once, it had been easy to bear the soft weight of want. It was easy to hold one sun kissed memory in his heart, to treasure it, without breaking apart with the need of it. 

He knew he wouldn’t be able to carry this. It would weigh heavy on his heart, too soft and too large, and would fill him too much with the wanting for it, so that he would spend the rest of his life with half his heart on land. 

Maybe this was the true danger of humans. Not their nets or their spears. Not their superstitions and their fears. 

Their hearts. Their kindness and their generosity and their make love, sinking hooks into John’s heart so that he could never really leave, never forget, never be truly happy in the sea… 

…and it was too late to do anything about it now.

So he just sobbed harder, curled tight against Lafayette, mourning the impending loss of everything he had come to cherish.

“Shhh, little fish, what has happened? Did Alexander say something to upset you?”

Lafayette rocked him gently, hands stilling to just hold John tight. 

“No. Alexander didn’t… do anything.”

John choked out, shaking his head. Could barely get the words out through the tears. 

“Then what, my love, tell me what you’re feeling?”

Lafayette murmured gently.

It was a long time before John’s tears slowed enough for him to answer. Finally, scrubbing the back of his hand over his face, John lay his head on Lafayette’s chest and stared out the window at the setting sun sky. 

“Do you have a mate?”

He asked, voice wavering. 

Lafayette sucked in a shocked breath, slid his fingers under John’s chin and tipped his head up so their eyes met.

“What gave you this idea? No, John. I have no mate.”

John teared up again at the look of sorrow on Lafayette’s face.

“You… should, though. You should. You should be with a nice human who can do all the things you do-“

He was cut off by a crushing kiss. The tears spilled over, and he kissed Lafayette back desperately, wanting everything. Every taste, every moment, every touch. Lafayette’s tongue swept into his mouth, taking, tasting, and John’s tangled with it, coaxing, pleading. 

“How could I ever want such things, now that I have met you?”

Lafayette whispered against his mouth, and then they were kissing again. Dizzying, breathtaking kisses that tasted of salt and tears and need. 

John stroked his hand down Lafayette’s chest, scratching his fingers in the soft, dark hair. His fingers moved slowly over Lafayette’s flat stomach, dipping into the valley of his bellybutton, then traced down the sharp V of his hip. Lafayette’s breath hitched, and John swallowed a fresh wave of tears.

“Sweet one, we should not, when you are hurting so…”

Lafayette murmured against John’s mouth. John shook his head, pulling back to look at Lafayette’s face again. Watched his eyes flutter closed and his lips part when John’s hand dipped lower, fingers winding into the tight curls of hair above his cock. Watched desire war with pain war with concern over his handsome face. 

“I hurt from want of you, Lafayette. Please…”

His heart broke, his voice cracked. His fingers found Lafayette’s hardening cock and pet it with gentle, curious fingertips. Felt it twitch under his touch. Watched Lafayette close his eyes and turn inwards, as if searching for something. 

John kissed his closed eyelids, curled his fingers around the base of Lafayette’s thick cock. Smiled a teary smile when Lafayette smiled, turned outwards again, opened his eyes. 

“I just do not want you to feel regret for this, in the morning…”

Lafayette’s hand stroked from John’s shoulders to the small of his back. 

“Regret? I don’t know this word…”

John tilted his head to the side. Pressed another kiss to Lafayette’s mouth as his hand stroked up the length of Lafayette’s cock. Watched a shiver of pleasure run through Lafayette’s body.

“I hope you never do.”

Lafayette whispered, hoarse, voice snagging and catching on things John couldn’t see. 

He didn’t know what Lafayette meant, but he knew nothing could hurt as much as the wanting of Lafayette in this moment, so he stroked his fingers back down, closed them in a firmer hold, stroked back up. Watched Lafayette take a deep breath and close his eyes again. He dipped his head and kissed Lafayette’s chest, found the hard bud of his nipple and curled his tongue around it. 

The sound Lafayette made sent a jolt of pleasure through John’s body. Curious, he grazed his teeth over the nipple, glancing up to watch Lafayette’s head tip back, his lips part. Could swear he had never seen something so beautiful in his entire life. 

“Can we do the make love?”

He whispered. Rubbed his thumb over the head of Lafayette’s cock, slick with the first leaking drops of seed that soon washed away in the water. 

“I… oh mon cher… don’t want to hurt you.”

Lafayette groaned, his hand sliding lower to cup John’s buttock, and squeeze. John squirmed against him, kissed back up to Lafayette’s neck and suckled the soft skin there.

“Your injury…”

Lafayette’s words cut off in a groan when John stroked his hand, fingers curled tight, back down the length of his cock. 

“Please?”

John wanted it all. Everything. Pain or no pain, because there was already pain, there was already going to be more pain, and the pain in his side was familiar and straight forward and would almost be welcome against the tidal wave in his heart. 

He stroked lower, cupped Lafayette’s balls and rolled them carefully in his hand, drawing another low groan from Lafayette’s lips. 

“Non, mon cher. Not yet.”

Lafayette choked out. John nipped at his neck, trailed his tongue up to the soft spot under his jaw. Nipped there too. 

“But… there are… other things we can do. Ah, John. Other ways to feel good.”

Lafayette turned his head, caught John’s mouth in another desperate kiss that stole the very air from John’s lungs. 

“I want you to feel good.”

John whispered against Lafayette’s lips, stroking his hand a little faster. 

“I… Christ, I do, John.”

Lafayette’s hips jerked gently against John’s hand. Encouraged, he tightened his grip, stroked faster, watching Lafayette’s lips part, his eyes close, as he tipped his head back and let out a low moan. 

“Do you like that?”

John was entranced, held captive by the play of expressions across Lafayette’s face, by the way his hips twitched and jerked under John’s hand, by his ragged, uneven breathing and the moans that dragged from his lips.

“I, yes… yes, oh John!”

Just watching Lafayette had John painfully hard, and then that hand on his buttock shifted, fingers stroking into his crack, teasing finger tips finding his hole. John squirmed, moaning, struggling to keep his hand moving with Lafayette’s fingers rubbing him gently…

“Lafayette! Please…”

John whined, his body desperate for more. 

Lafayette slipped one finger inside. John clenched around the finger, sharp gasp of breath at how good it felt, his hand tightening involuntarily…

…and then Lafayette was finishing, his dick pulsing in John’s hand as he spent his seed into the water, John’s name a harsh moan on his lips as his hips jerked powerfully. 

“Oh, John, mon cher. You are incredible.”

Lafayette murmured, eyes open, soft smile up at John. 

“Your turn.”

Lafayette grinned, and then his finger was gone and he was being lifted up onto the ledge beside the shells, Lafayette looking up at him. 

John opened his mouth to speak, but then Lafayette’s hand was settling at the base of his cock, and Lafayette was _kissing_ the head, and John’s hips jerked in surprise, his hands going to Lafayette’s hair.

“Lafayette! You can’t-“

His words were choked off in a loud cry as Lafayette’s mouth took his cock inside. Lafayette’s mouth was tight and hot and soft and it was all John could do to hold still, fingers tugging at Lafayette’s hair. His head fell back against the wall, eyes closed. 

Lafayette’s tongue lapped at the underside of his cock, and then he was pulling off, tongue swirling over the head, then swallowing him back down, hand stroking in time with his mouth. 

John had never felt anything so incredible in his entire life, the shock of Lafayette using his mouth immediately replaced by how amazing it felt. 

“That… that feels so good…”

Lafayette’s free hand returned to John’s backside, teasing a finger back inside his hole, then two. 

Lafayette moaned softly around John’s cock, just as his fingers found that secret, special spot inside him and stroked. 

“Lafayette!”

John cried, tossing his head back and forth against the wall, whole body beginning to tighten…

…and then he opened his eyes. Looked down, saw Lafayette’s dark eyes watching him, his mouth stuffed full with John’s dick, lips shiny with saliva and seed….

That was all it took for his release to slam through him. He spent his seed in Lafayette’s mouth, gasping and crying out, his fingers yanking at Lafayette’s hair. 

Lafayette’s tongue lapped at him until he went loose and relaxed, and then Lafayette was gathering him gently in his arms, cradling him back down into the water where they curled against each other once more, trading soft kisses back and forth. 

“I love you, John.”

Lafayette whispered, sheen of tears in his eyes. 

John felt a warm thrill rush through him, and kissed Lafayette, once on each cheek, just below those unshed tears. 

“I want to stay.”

He whispered back. Knew he couldn’t. 

Lafayette made a sound in the back of his throat that broke John’s heart all over again.

“I want that too.”

He whispered back. Kissed John’s chest, then lay his head there, over John’s heart. 

John kissed the top of Lafayette’s head, and let his gaze drift out the window. They lay in silence, holding each other tight as dusk gave way to night and John realized that Lafayette had fallen asleep. 

Remembering what he’d said about drowning, John willed himself to stay awake, let Lafayette sleep the night with his head on John’s chest. Ached and ached and ached with want of more and more and always more…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come chat on tumblr?
> 
> @ninyaaaaaaah


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me.

John spent the night that way, watching the sky through the window, stars bright and far away. Lafayette’s solid weight against him, his head on John’s chest, listening to the soft sounds he made in his sleep. 

He started to shiver at some point, and burrowed closer to John’s warmth, tucking his face against John’s neck. John wrapped his arms around Lafayette, tried to warm him by rubbing his arms. 

He drifted into a half-doze, but couldn’t really sleep with his head above water. Just as well, since he couldn’t let Lafayette drown. 

He watched the sky lighten, lost deep in thought, wondering how he was ever going to reconcile the warring needs of his heart. 

Lafayette stirred, rubbing his face against John’s chest and murmuring something unintelligible.

“John?”

He lifted his head, blinking sleepily, and the sight of him all soft and bleary from sleep was too much for John to handle. So he grabbed Lafayette by the back of the neck and kissed him, hard and deep, quelling the sudden swell of emotion that crashed over him. 

Lafayette made a muffled sound of surprise, and then he was kissing John back, tongue sweeping into his mouth, low moan of pleasure sending a jolt straight through John’s body. 

Maybe if they just kept kissing forever, the world would stop and John wouldn’t have to go back to the ocean and he wouldn’t miss it and Lafayette wouldn’t have to go to work and leave him alone in the bathtub all day and everything would be fine and nothing would hurt. 

They kissed for what felt like forever, but then Lafayette pulled back. He stroked his hand over John’s cheek and John leaned into the touch, closing his eyes for a moment. 

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in here.”

He murmured. Placed a kiss on John’s chest. 

“I made sure you didn’t drown.”

John reached out, wound his hand through Lafayette’s hair, wished he wouldn’t go at all, just stay here forever. Even if they were cramped, he was happy. 

“You… stayed awake all night?”

Lafayette frowned and sat up. Stretched. Pulled his arm over his head and made his shoulder pop. 

“Yes. I didn’t want you to drown.”

“You should have woken me up.”

John watched Lafayette stand up, and climb out of the tub, fighting hard against despair, the sharp pain of loss even though Lafayette was still right there.

“I liked having you sleep on me.”

He sat up and stretched, winced a little at the kink in his neck from the position he’d sat in all night. Well worth it, for the peaceful hours he’d gotten to have Lafayette in his arms. 

Lafayette smiled, and leaned back down for a lingering kiss. 

“Thank you, mon cher.”

Then he was gone.

John slumped in the bathtub, chin resting on the edge, all the energy draining right out of him with Lafayette’s departure.

He was back shortly, dressed, and bearing breakfast. 

John ate quietly, picking at his meal with an uncharacteristic lack of enthusiasm. 

“Mon cher? Are you okay?”

He avoided Lafayette’s concerned gaze, finishing his meal even though he wasn’t hungry. Barely tasted it under the heavy weight of the inevitable. Every day here was a day closer to going back to the ocean. Every day here made it harder to want to. 

Yet he missed the ocean so much that it hurt. 

“Yes, just tired. I’ll sleep, once you leave for the day.”

He gave the plate back to Lafayette and washed quickly. Laf helped him drain the tub, and then he refilled it, sticking his head right under the spray from the spout. 

When he pulled his head back out, Lafayette was gone again, and John was alone.

He tried to sleep and found he couldn’t, and so he spent the day much the same as he’d spent the night before it; staring out the too-small window at the sky. Cradling the mouse cowry in his hands. Wishing for the impossible with a strength that crushed him past the point of tears. 

Past the point of anything but just lying here in the tub, waiting for the heavy weight to lift. Waiting for Lafayette to return. 

\--

When Lafayette returned, John couldn’t find the energy to put on a brave face. He declined dinner, had no appetite. Rolled over and tucked himself under the water with his fin over his head, and closed his eyes against the heavy, dead feeling in his chest. 

Lafayette touched his shoulder gently. 

He didn’t react, felt bad because he knew he wasn’t being fair, but couldn’t help it. Knew he should reach past this feeling, but didn’t feel strong enough. 

Drifted like that, lost, until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter is short.
> 
> I'll have Chapter 9 up by the end of the weekend. I promise it's less angsty.


	9. Chapter 9

John felt no better when he woke up. 

The sun was bright, shining in the window to greet him when he pulled his tail down off of his face. It took a long moment and a focussed gathering of strength for him to sit up. He still held the mouse cowry in his hand. Looked at it for a long moment, then put it back on the ledge. 

Based on the position of the sun in the sky, Lafayette would already be gone for the day. 

In some ways, it was a relief. He felt bad for feeling so lethargic, so sad. But how could he not, when he knew what had to come next. 

How could he not, when he’d gotten the smallest taste of such happiness, only to know it couldn’t last.

He rubbed his face, sighed. Looked around the empty bathroom. There was a pillow on the floor, and a blanket. Had Lafayette spent the night there? John felt a small pang of guilt. The small table was folded up in its usual spot… Laf hadn’t left him any breakfast. 

Not sure what to make of that, John let his chin drop to the edge of the tub, and tried to gather some energy from somewhere.

Sat straight up at the sound of footsteps. 

Fear made his mouth go dry and his heart pound, until Lafayette appeared in the doorway. John frowned.

“Shouldn’t you be fishing?”

He tilted his head to the side, staring at Lafayette in confusion. 

Lafayette shook his head.

“No, mon cher.”

He walked over and knelt by the edge of the tub.

“I should be right here, looking after you. I have not been… sensitive enough to your needs. I should not have left you alone, all day, every day, with nothing to do but stare at these walls. I should not have left you yesterday when you were clearly feeling unhappy. I should not have let you hide in your sadness. I should have done more, I should have been here more.”

He reached out and cupped John’s cheek, and John leaned into it despite himself.

“It’s okay… you have a life, Lafayette. You can’t put everything on pause just for me…”

He closed his eyes, let Lafayette’s gentle touch be a comfort. Smiled a little when Lafayette leaned in and kissed his forehead. 

“No more than I should expect you to wait here for me to come and go, and be content.”

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

John whispered, his heart clenching painfully. Opened his eyes at Lafayette’s sharp intake of breath.

“Oh John…”

He kissed him, ever so softly.

“You.”

Kiss.

“Are.”

Kiss.

“Not.”

Kiss.

“A burden.”

Lafayette cupped John’s face in both of his hands, so that John couldn’t look anywhere but Lafayette’s wide brown eyes. 

“You are the very best parts of my day. I love waking up and spending time with you. I love reading to you in the evenings, and sharing meals, and bathing together in the tub. I love holding you, and kissing you. I love coming home and having you greet me. I love having you here. I love you, John.”

John’s eyes welled with tears again as Lafayette’s voice caught, rough and scratchy with emotion. 

“But this is no kind of life for you, and I have been a fool not to see the effect being cooped up is having on you. I want so badly for this to be enough but I know it’s not. How could it be? I… I don’t know the answer for this, John, and that causes me endless heartache.”

“I don’t know either.”

John whispered. He reached out, hands in Lafayette’s hair, pulled him close. Forehead to forehead. He kissed him softly, fighting back tears. 

“I just… want… all of it.”

He took a deep shaky breath. 

“Me too, mon cher. Me too.”

They stayed like that in silence for a long moment, forehead to forehead, each lost in their own thoughts. 

“How long can you be out of the water for?”

Lafayette asked quietly.

“Huh?”

The question took John by surprise. He considered. 

“A while, I think? As long as I don’t dry out too much. Why?” 

He pulled back, tipping his head to the side. Lafayette grinned and stood up.

“Would you like to see the house? Get out of this room for a little while?”

John sat up, grinning. Suddenly wanting nothing more than that.

“Yes, please.”

He was starving for stimulation. He reached up his arms, eager just to look at something other than this bathroom. 

Lafayette chuckled, and pulled a towel off the rack.

“One moment, I have an idea.”

He dunked the towel in the water, wrung it out, and tossed it over his shoulder with no regard for his clothing. Then, he scooped John up out of the tub. Shifted to wrap the wet towel around John’s hips and tail, and adjusted so he had one arm under John’s shoulders, the other under his tail. 

John held on, arms around Lafayette’s neck, mood already lifting. 

Lafayette grinned down at him, kissed him again. 

“Ready, little fish?”

“Ready.”

He nuzzled under Lafayette’s chin, kissed him there, and wrapped his tail around Lafayette’s waist. 

Lafayette kissed his nose, and carried him out of the bathroom. 

John stared around him. 

“This is the living area, with the couch and arm chairs. I used to eat over here, before you came along…”

Lafayette walked around the room, pointing to things as he explained them to John, pausing to allow him to touch, and look.

John drank in all the new sights and information, interjecting with questions, learning all about Lafayette’s habits and life, the things he did when he wasn’t in the bathroom with John. 

Lafayette showed him the kitchen, let him turn the stove on and off, showed him the icebox that kept the food fresh, let him open all of the cupboards and look inside. 

John drank it all in. 

As they moved from the large room to a new doorway, Lafayette paused to brace John’s back against the doorframe and kiss him, slow and deep and heartfelt. John melted in Lafayette’s arms, hands winding up into his hair, mouth opening for Lafayette’s tongue. He moaned softly, trapped between the door frame and Lafayette’s body, his breath catching in his throat.

“How are you doing, little one?”

Lafayette pulled back just enough to smile at him, and John smiled back brightly, happy as he’d ever been. The impending weight of hurt to come didn’t feel so bad, right now.

“I’m good.”

He stretched up for another kiss. Lafayette obliged him, and then carried him into the last room in the house.

“This is my bedroom. I sleep in here, at night.”

John looked around. This small room smelled the most strongly of Lafayette. There wasn’t much in it, just a window, a small table, and what he guessed was Lafayette’s bed, large and rectangular. 

“What’s in there?”

He pointed at a set of doors. 

“That’s the closet. My clothes are in there.”

Lafayette walked over so that John could reach out and open the closet doors, look inside. Rows of shirts and pants, hanging there. 

“Why do you wear these?”

He looked back at Lafayette, toying with the lacings on his shirt. 

“It’s customary for humans. It would be considered improper to go about without any clothing. We are also susceptible to the elements. Clothes keep us warm, or protect us from the sun.”

“Oh.”

John closed the closet door again and wrapped his arms around Lafayette’s neck again. 

“And you sleep there?”

He pointed at the bed, curious. 

“I do. Would you like to sit?”

John looked at Lafayette, and back at the bed, and back at Lafayette again. He nodded, suddenly shy. This was Lafayette’s space, and there was something very intimate about this sleeping space… 

Lafayette settled on the bed carefully, John in his lap. Cradled him close, and let out a relaxed sigh. 

John shifted, tail stretching straight out for the first time in days. The bed was soft beneath him, and he could see why Lafayette would choose to sleep this way. Carefully, minding his injured side, John shifted until he was lying down, stretched out on the soft bed, his head in Lafayette’s lap. 

“Well, what do you think?”

Lafayette smiled down at him, and John grinned back.

“It’s comfortable. Not wet enough.”

He teased, sticking his tongue out. 

Lafayette laughed, and shifted to lie down next to John. 

“Are you okay? Should I go get your towel wet again?”

John considered. Nodded yes. 

Lafayette got up and left, and John stretched out on his back in the center of the bed, relishing the ability to get a good, full body stretch in. He closed his eyes, listening to Lafayette in the bathroom and realizing that as much as he could hear Lafayette through the wall, the reverse was also true. 

He opened his eyes again when he heard Lafayette returning, got to watch him walk into the bedroom and then stop, his gaze travelling down the length of John’s body. 

“…now that is a sight I like to see.”

He murmured, and John blushed at the way Lafayette was looking at him, appraising, wet towel in his hands and heat in his gaze. 

“Come here?”

John’s stomach tightened at the slow grin that spread across Lafayette’s face as he watched. 

“What do you want, my love?”

Lafayette asked, voice low. 

John squirmed, heart beating faster. 

“You, please Laf…”

He could feel himself growing hard, as if now that his body knew how it felt to be touched, kissed, sucked, loved… 

Just the idea was enough, and the way Lafayette was looking at him… 

Lafayette entered the room, walked to the foot of the bed, but stopped there. He lay the wet towel down on John’s tail, then stepped back. 

“Lafayette!”

John whined, staring up at him imploringly. 

“Yes?”

Wicked grin on Lafayette’s face. John whined.

“Please… touch me?”

“Where? Show me.”

Blushing brilliantly, John made a soft, needy sound in his throat, and brought tentative fingertips to his own chest. He trailed them down lightly, toyed with his own nipple. Watched Lafayette watching him, glanced down Lafayette’s body to where his cock was growing hard in his pants…

Loved knowing that it was because of him, without even touching. 

John trailed his fingers lower, shivering at his own touches. Everything felt brand new. Sure, he’d touched himself before. But not like this. Never like this. 

Certainly never with Lafayette’s hungry gaze on him.

“Oh, yes… little one, you are so gorgeous…”

Lafayette murmured, shifting and folding his arms across his chest. 

Spurred on, John trailed his hand lower. He stroked his fingertips up the length of his now painfully hard cock, bit his lower lip, arched off the bed with relief at finally being touched where he wanted it most. Heard Lafayette’s soft moan.

“Oh John… that’s it, stroke your hard cock for me little one…”

The sound of Lafayette’s voice sent waves of pleasure through John’s body, made him groan with desire. He curled his fingers around his cock, stroked himself slow, teasing Lafayette. Teasing himself. 

“Tell me how it feels, mon cher.”

The sound of Lafayette’s voice, the feel of his own hand stroking his dick, the absence of Lafayette’s touch… it was all too much, and he squirmed and moaned, desperate. 

“Good… it feels good, but…”

He thumbed over the head, slicking pre down his length and hitching his hips up into his strokes. 

“But what, little one?”

Having Lafayette so close, yet not touching him was going to drive John insane. 

“Want you. Please, Laf, want you to touch me… your hands, mouth, cock… anything… I want to do the make love…”

John babbled, hand pumping himself faster, little moans escaping his lips. 

“Soon my love, when you are healed a little bit more we will make love. You look so beautiful, spread out on my bed with your hand on your cock. I love to watch you like this… want to see you come undone for me…”

John couldn’t remember ever feeling like this in his life. His whole body felt aflame, cheeks hot, panting with need, Lafayette’s words going straight to his dick.

“Can you finger your tight little hole for me, John? I want to watch you ride your fingers, yeah that’s it, that’s my gorgeous boy…”

John twisted, sliding his free hand behind him, fingertips stroking down his crack and circling his hole. He pushed the tip of his finger in, already wet inside, needy. 

“Like this?”

He breathed, moving his finger in and out of his tight, wet heat, stroking his cock in the same rhythm. His whole body began to tighten and tingle, release rushing up fast as he pumped his finger deeper, in and out. Added a second one, groaning at the stretch. Watched Lafayette shift, cock straining in his pants, dark eyes fixed on John.

“Yes, just like that mon cher… oh, look at you. Finish for me, little one, let me see you fall apart on your own fingers…”

John’s breath hitched, and he was helpless under Lafayette’s direction.

“Lafayette, I-“

His words cut off in a loud moan, his release slamming through him. He stroked himself through, seed dripping over his hand and onto his stomach, his breathing ragged. 

And then Lafayette was on him, before he had a chance to feel embarrassed or shy, kissing his mouth, his face, his chest, grabbing his dripping hand and cleaning it so thoroughly with licks and sucks that he almost had John hard again. 

“Little one you are so gorgeous, so perfect. Thank you for allowing me to watch you, you are divine…”

Lafayette showered him in praise in between kisses, knees on either side of John’s tail, hands in his hair. Mouth everywhere, filling John’s heart to the bursting point, dizzying him with affection. 

John reached between them, cupping Lafayette’s thick cock through his pants. Little shiver through his body at the sound Lafayette made, his head dipping low as his lips parted.

“Mon cher I am so hard for you.”

John pressed against Lafayette’s hard length, rubbed him through the fabric, considering.

“Lafayette… I want…”

He murmured, unsure. Thumb found the wet head of Lafayette’s cock, rubbed gently. Made Lafayette’s hips twitch and his breath catch.

“What my love, what do you want?”

Lafayette kissed him breathlessly, and John moaned, needed every touch and taste so badly. 

“I want to do… like you did. With my mouth?”

He asked, suddenly shy again, blush rising on his cheeks, but he needed it all. Every bit of it. He wanted to know what Lafayette tasted like, wanted to feel him in his mouth, wanted everything.

Lafayette paused, looking down at John. His cock twitched under John’s hand. 

In the stillness, John blushed deeper, watching Lafayette’s face. 

“If… would that… do you… like that?”

Suddenly unsure. Squirmed a little under Lafayette’s rapt gaze. 

“I would like that very much.”

And then Lafayette was off him, lifting the towel so that John could roll onto his stomach, and laying it down his tail again. Then he shucked off his pants and settled on his back, legs on either side of John, propped up on some pillows so he could watch. 

John looked up at Lafayette, naked and wanting and achingly hard, and all for him… 

It was enough to steal the breath from his lungs. 

He shifted a bit, got more comfortable, and dropped a kiss on Lafayette’s belly, soft hair and warm skin beneath his lips. He felt Lafayette’s deep, shaky breath under his mouth, and stroked his hand up his muscular stomach. He glanced up, watched Lafayette watch him. Grinned against his tummy. 

“Take all the time in the world my love, I am yours for the taking.”

Lafayette murmured, tangling his fingers loosely in John’s drying curls. 

So John did.

He stroked and tasted every inch of Lafayette’s stomach, his hips, his thighs, fingers petting and scratching lightly. Lips kissing, tongue teasing, teeth nipping. He explored Lafayette’s body thoroughly, sucking a purple bruise on his hip bone, then tracing it with his fingertips.

“Does that hurt?”

He licked the spot, glanced up at Lafayette.

“Non. Feels very good.”

So John did another to match, on the opposite hip bone.

From there, he kissed down until his nose was buried in the dense curls of Lafayette’s pubic hair, taking in the scent of him, the way his cock twitched when John’s soft breath washed over it. Lafayette’s fingers fluttered in his hair, eyes half closing for an instant.

Curious, John kissed Lafayette’s cock. The skin was hot and silky beneath his lips, and the loud moan from Lafayette’s mouth was exquisite.

He stroked his tongue up the length, catching the rim and lapping at it. He curled his fingers around the base of Lafayette’s cock, held it up so he could kiss the top, pre smearing on his lips. He looked up at Lafayette through his lashes, watched his face as he let his lips part slowly, the head of Lafayette’s cock popping into his mouth. 

He tasted salty and not unpleasant, and John suckled him teasingly, tongue flicking over his slit.

“Ah! More, please, mon cher…”

Lafayette groaned at this, his fingers tightening in John’s hair. 

John closed his eyes, lost himself in the sensations. Relaxed his mouth and jaw and took more of Lafayette’s cock. Its thickness stretched his jaw near to aching, and he took more slowly, trying to see how much would fit-

He gagged abruptly, eyes watering, and had to pull off. 

“Shh, careful little one! Don’t hurt yourself.”

John shook his head at Lafayette’s concern.

“I’m fine, you’re just so big…”

He stroked his hand up the length of Lafayette’s cock, then swirled his tongue over the head, watching Lafayette’s reaction. 

“Oh John… you look so pretty with your mouth on my hard cock…”

John took him into his mouth again, not as far this time, and bobbed his head up and down, lips tight around Lafayette’s cock. 

Instead of trying to fit more into his mouth, knowing his limits now, John let his hand follow his mouth, stroking and sucking, tongue pressed flat against the underside of Lafayette’s cock in a way that made Laf groan and tug gently at John’s hair. He let his eyes close again, lost himself in the rhythm he was setting, the taste and feel of Lafayette heavy on his tongue, his moans heaven to John’s ears…

It didn’t take long before Lafayette’s fingers were tightening, tugging a little harder, his hips lifting just the slightest off the mattress…

“John, John my love… if you do not want me to finish in your mouth, you should pull off now…”

Lafayette’s voice, breathless and husky with pleasure. 

John remembered how Lafayette had swallowed him down, every last drop of seed. Wanted to do the same so just moaned his assent around Lafayette’s cock, and took him a little bit deeper. Squeezed his hand. Felt Lafayette’s dick pulse beneath his fingers, and John’s mouth was pumped full of seed. Lafayette’s voice in his ears, ragged cry of pleasure sending a shudder through John’s body.

He tried to swallow it all, didn’t quite succeed, some of it dribbling back out his mouth, down Lafayette’s cock and over his fingers. He pulled off with a soft pop, glanced up at Lafayette’s face, lazy, blissful smile and heavy lidded eyes…

Licked him clean like Lafayette had done to him earlier, and then cleaned his own hand the same way, swallowing every last taste of Lafayette’s seed. 

“Mon cher, je t’aime. You are perfect.”

Lafayette’s fingers unwound from his hair, stroking over his cheek. John leaned into the touch, let his eyes close again. Wanted to stay like this forever.

They rested like that for a long moment, and then Lafayette was nudging him, shifting out from underneath. 

“I’ll be right back, little fish.”

Kissed him first, slow and sweet and full of love. Then gathered up John’s towel and was gone. 

John stayed where he was, sleepy and sated on Lafayette. 

Lafayette returned, set something down beside the bed, and draped the cool, wet towel back over John’s body. He lay down beside him and lifted an arm. John shifted over, nuzzling into Lafayette, arm over his middle. Stretched up for a sleepy kiss, heart full to bursting.

“I love you.”

He whispered, because what was love if not the way he was feeling right now. 

“Oh mon cher, I love you too. More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.”

Lafayette whispered back. 

John felt his fingers beneath his chin, let Lafayette tip his head up so they were eye to eye again. The depth of love John saw reflected there enough to make him breathless all over again. 

Lafayette kissed him, and smiled, bright as the sun.

“We will find a way.”

He whispered. Kissed John’s nose.

A promise.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a totally different direction than it was supposed to.
> 
> I'm not sorry.

Life settled into a new pattern.

Instead of leaving for work after eating breakfast and bathing with John in the mornings, Lafayette would wrap him in wet towels and lift him out of the tub. They’d spend time in the sitting room, watching the world go by, or in the bed, familiarizing themselves with the intricacies of each others’ bodies, or talking for hours, the world outside little more than a dream.

Lafayette would leave for a few hours in the afternoons, letting John have some quiet time in the tub, and would return with food.

On days he was truly needed on the fishing boat, Alexander would come over in the afternoon and sit with John. Their conversations were different from ones with Lafayette – more direct, less meandering. More information, less feeling. Alexander was endlessly curious and driven by a relentless thirst for knowledge, and John found him engaging but also exhausting. Still, it was nice to have company.

Between the company and the time spent outside the bathroom, John’s gloom lifted. He longed for the ocean a little less. He relaxed, distracted from the underlying fear of what came next.

Besides, Lafayette had said they’d figure it out.

John had no reason to doubt that.

\--

One such afternoon, sun high in the sky, Lafayette left John napping in the tub, and headed out into the village. Their time together was nearly up – they’d be able to leave John’s bandage off today, the wound healing nicely. If he was being truly honest, John could probably go home now.

Neither of them seemed in a hurry for that.

Hands in his pockets, enjoying the fresh air on his face, Lafayette wandered down to the market. His boss had been kind enough to give him the leave, accepting Lafayette’s claims of a sick relative who needed his care, so long as he came in on days he was truly needed.

Lafayette rolled his shoulders, relieved that the heavy weight he’d felt since bringing John home was finally gone. He’d tried to hold a little bit of distance between them, in denial that he’d failed at that from the moment he’d installed the merman in his bathtub. He’d tried not to fall, he’d tried not to let John know, knowing it would only make things harder when the end came.

Instead, he’d just caused them both pain, made it harder in the moment.

Giving in had felt like release, and the rush of love and light that swept into his life when he’d finally opened his heart to John completely…

It took his breath away.

Lafayette took his time wandering through the market stalls, picking up dinner for himself – some crusty white bread, fresh vegetables for a salad, and an assortment of shellfish for him and John to share. His cooked, John’s not. He wasn’t sure if John ate shellfish, but wanted a special treat. He wanted tonight to feel special. He wanted to make every moment of John’s life special. Felt horribly inadequate knowing he never could, knowing he didn’t have a real solution to the problem at hand.

There was no winning here.

He turned it over in the back of his mind as he walked. There had to be a way.

Deep in thought, he wandered past the docks. They’d be quiet this time of day, everyone out on the water.

He frowned in surprise at the sight of a figure on the end of the dock, staring out at the water. His frown deepened when he saw who it was. Young Matthias, who should have been out on the boat with the crew, working.

Lafayette walked out to the end of the pier and stopped next to Matthias, cradling his paper bag of food against his hip.

“How come you’re not out on the water, Matti?”

Matthias turned his head, blue eyes wide and full of sorrow. He was so young still, Lafayette realized. Still a boy, really, though he was growing the beginnings of a fuzzy beard.

“I…”

The young sailor paused, seemed to consider something for a moment. Then sighed, and let it all out.

“I’m not allowed for the rest of the week. Lafayette… I can’t help it, I know it’s silly but I can’t stop thinking about… about that merperson. Captain says I’m making too many mistakes and I need to take some time off to get my mind straightened out. But… I might have hurt it… I know I hurt it. I might have killed it. I’m scared Lafayette. I keep waiting for something bad to happen and it to be my fault because I hurt it, and it’s bad luck… I keep thinking about it out there all alone and in pain and hoping it’s okay…”

Matthias chewed his lower lip, nervous and clearly distressed.

Lafayette watched him, felt helpless, wished he could reassure Matthias that everything was fine, but…

“We haven’t seen any evidence of it, though, have we? I think that maybe means it’s alright? It’s been long enough…”

He trailed off. He wanted to reassure Matthias, but he couldn’t give anything away.

Matthias raised one shoulder in a sad shrug.

“I hope so.”

He turned his gaze back to the ocean.

Lafayette clasped his slim shoulder gently.

“You’re a good soul, Matti, to be so concerned. Try not to let it eat you up?”

He left him then, wishing there was more he could do to reassure him.

\--

John woke from his nap to the sounds of Lafayette bustling around in the kitchen, smiling to himself as he pictured it. He stretched, tail flopping out over the edge of the tub, and let his arms and chin rest on the edge. He felt content. Safe. Loved.

He closed his eyes, and just listened.

“Mon cher?”

Lafayette’s voice brought him gently out of his reverie. Opening his eyes, John smiled up at Lafayette, gently waved the end of his tail in the air.

“Hello Lafayette.”

He felt his heart swell with joy at the sight of Lafayette, handsome as ever and too good to be true. Just looking at him made his heart ache.

“How are you doing?”

He crossed the bathroom and knelt outside the tub.

“Good. How about you?”

Leaned forward for a kiss.

Lafayette obliged him, slow and deep, then stood again.

“I am well. I would like to do something a little bit different for dinner tonight, if we may?”

John tilted his head, then nodded.

“Okay.”

“Close your eyes. Don’t open until I say so, understood?”

John nodded, and closed his eyes. Breath hitched and held in the weighty silence that descended.

“Mon cher… look at you. So pretty, with your eyes closed, waiting so patiently…”

Something in Lafayette’s voice that made John shiver.

Another long moment, and then he heard Lafayette walk away. Stayed there with his eyes shut, listened to Lafayette moving around. The smell of cooked seafood hit his nose – different than usual, but he could recognize it as cooked food now.

“Okay. You may open.”

John opened his eyes obediently. The lamp was off in the waning light of the evening, leaving the room lit by natural light from the window, and something in the middle of the little table…

“What’s that?”

He pointed, reaching out to touch the dancing, flickering light on top. Froze when Lafayette snatched his hand.

“Don’t touch. It’s a candle, and the flame on top is hot and will burn you. You have to be very careful with fire. But it looks pretty, non?”

John nodded, eyeing the candle with newfound respect. The table was covered with a red and white checked cloth, and the plates were covered in metal domes for some reason. John had to admit it looked nice.

With a flourish, Lafayette removed the metal domes, revealing plates piled high with all sorts of shellfish. Shrimp and crab and mussels and clams. Lafayette’s was cooked, in some sort of sauce, on a bed of what he called pasta. Strange, inedible, not at all to John’s taste.

His plate though…

Shellfish were a lot of work even when he was in the ocean, so he didn’t eat them often. But they were a wonderful variation from fish, and his mouth watered at the sight.

“I hope you like shellfish?”

Lafayette sat down on a low stool opposite John, instead of his usual position on the edge of the tub.

“Thank you, Lafayette.”

John responded, smiling brightly. Sitting like this, with Lafayette across from him, the flickering candle light dancing over his face, somehow felt far more intimate than their usual comfortable routine. Hushed, John picked up a shrimp and carefully peeled it out of its shell, then popped it in his mouth. Hummed with satisfaction at the flavour, eyes closing momentarily. He listened to Lafayette tell him about the market, all the things he saw, people he stopped to speak with. John ate all the shrimp first, because they were easy to eat neatly, and then the crab, because he could crack it open with his hands and pick out the soft flesh inside.

He was stumped when he got to the mussels.

In the ocean, he bashed them against rocks to break them open. Obviously, that was not something he could do here.

He picked one up and turned it over in his hands, considering.

Jumped a little when Lafayette reached across and took it from him gently, soft smile on his face.

“Let me.”

John watched as Lafayette slid a knife into the mussel’s seam, and deftly cracked it open. He expected that to be that, but instead of handing the whole thing back, Lafayette carefully extracted the meat from the shell, and reached back over, holding it in his fingers.

Unthinking, John opened his mouth.

With a low chuckle, Lafayette fed him the mussel with his fingers.

John’s breath caught in his throat and he barely tasted the mussel, distracted by the unexpected way being hand fed by Lafayette made him feel. Vulnerable and cherished, a flavour of care he’d never known before. The look on Lafayette’s face made his heart skip a beat, as though John was the most precious thing…

“Oh my love. You are a treasure.”

Lafayette whispered. He reached over and plucked the next mussel from the plate, cracked it open, and fed it to John much the same way. 

John’s tongue licked over Lafayette’s fingers as he accepted the mussel, and the soft hitch of Lafayette’s breath sent a shock of desire right through John. 

Then a third, Lafayette’s heated gaze only leaving John’s for the split second it took to slide the knife into the seam of the shell. John’s teeth grazed his fingers, teasing. 

On the fourth, John caught Lafayette’s fingers in a slow, deliberate suck. 

Lafayette knocked the stool over as he stood. 

John watched, mouth slightly open, as Lafayette undressed, eyes never leaving John’s face. He stepped into the tub without a word, thick cock already hardening, and knelt with his knees on either side of John’s tail.

John rolled over onto his back, staring up at Lafayette, faces only inches apart. 

“You are also a tease.”

Lafayette’s soft words broke the heavy spell of silence, and his mouth crashed into John’s. The kiss was fevered, urgent. John moaned loudly into Lafayette’s mouth, hands stroking him, trying to touch everywhere all at once. 

John squirmed beneath him, arching up. Laf’s hands were everywhere, touching, stroking, teasing. He wrapped his tail around one of Lafayette’s legs, tangled his hands in his hair. Kissed him deeper, desperate. 

Lafayette shifted his hips, changing the angle so that their cocks lined up, and rocked, creating a friction so incredible that John couldn’t help but cry out, the sound swallowed in Lafayette’s kiss. 

Fingers stroked lower, teasing his hole. Lafayette’s groan of pleasure when he found John wet and wanting. 

“Mon cher you are so beautiful…”

One finger sliding inside, shallow thrusts, in and out, slowly pressing deeper and deeper. A second finger added. Lafayette’s hips pressing down, cocks sliding against each other. Fingers curling inside to find that special, secret spot that had John crying out Lafayette’s name. Lafayette’s kiss on his ear, fingers finding an in-out rhythm, stroking over that spot, over and over.

“Ah, god, John… your hole is so tight, so hot. I can’t wait to make love to you again. I can’t wait to press my cock inside you, feel you clenching on me, I am helpless for you, John…”

Words whispered right into his ear, shivers down his spine. Lafayette’s hips rocking faster, perfect friction on John’s cock. Clenched on Lafayette’s fingers when he stopped the in and out thrusting and rubbed directly on that spot, pleasure so sweet it almost made John jump out of his skin, and then he was finishing, seed spilling into the water, over his stomach, sobbing Lafayette’s name over and over as he rode out spasm after spasm of release.

Lafayette withdrew his fingers carefully, started to stroke himself with the same hand, neck arching back. john batted Lafayette’s hand away, curled his own hands around Laf’s thick cock, pumped him hard and fast until he was finishing too, hips jerking as he spilled over John’s hands. 

Lafayette leaned down, dropping his forehead onto John’s, breathless and grinning. 

John smoothed his hands down Lafayette’s back, catching his breath. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy, so filled to the brim with everything he needed. 

After a long moment, Lafayette shifted, rolling so that he was sitting against the edge of the tub, cradling John in his lap. 

“You are the very best thing that I have ever known.”

Lafayette whispered in his ear. Kissed his cheek. 

John smiled, relaxed against Lafayette and watching the play of shadows on the wall. 

Lafayette shifted again, stretched around John to grab his plate, and the knife. Split another mussel down the seam and fed it to John. 

John closed his eyes, let his tongue stroke Lafayette’s fingers as he accepted the mussel, soft sound of satisfaction from his throat. 

“My perfect little fish.”

Lafayette kissed his temple. Split the last mussel and fed that to John too. Set the plate aside and wrapped his arms around John, held him tight. 

John shifted, kissed Lafayette’s jaw, and tucked his head under his chin. 

Watched the candle flicker until he drifted gently into sleep, cradled in Lafayette’s strong embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should know that every time I type "bathtub" I actually type "bathrub" instead and have to correct it.
> 
> Never has this typo been so appropriate as it is in the writing of this fic.


	11. Chapter 11

John woke alone, uncurling with a lazy, indulgent stretch.

The table was still set up, red and white checked cloth on top. The candle was out, and the plates were gone, Lafayette’s stool set to rights. John felt relaxed, content. He could hear Lafayette moving about in the house, and the strange birds singing their cheerful little song outside the window.

“Good morning Lafayette!”

He called out, sitting up expectantly to wait.

Sure enough, Lafayette appeared in the doorway, all smiles, looking like perfection with his breeches low on his hips and no shirt on.

“Good morning little fish.”

He held his hands behind his back, and didn’t move them as he walked into the room and bent to kiss John good morning. Lingered for a moment, mouths soft and warm and full of love. Lafayette straightened, and John looked up at him, feeling like his heart might burst it was so full of joy.

“I have something for you. I meant to give this to you last night, before we got distracted.”

John blushed, and Lafayette grinned.

“This is… it’s a human custom, something we do when we want to show someone that we wish to court them as more than just a friend. So, I probably should have done this for you much sooner, however…”

Lafayette looked almost unsure, and John melted, more in love than ever.

From behind his back, Lafayette produced a bunch of flowers. Blue and yellow in varying shapes, hues, and sizes, framed with delicate green fronds and tied up with a yellow ribbon. He handed them down to John, and perched on the edge of the tub, watching as John took accepted the bouquet, studying the flowers closely. He sniffed them, fragrant, floral smells filling his nose, and smiled brightly up at Lafayette.

“Thank you Lafayette, these are beautiful.”

He stroked the silky, soft petals, and leaned over to kiss Lafayette’s side.

“I’m very glad you like them, mon cher.”

They sat in contented silence for a long moment, Lafayette’s hand absently stroking John’s head. John’s nose in the flowers, delighting at seeing, touching, smelling something new.

“Let me get you a vase for those. They must be kept in water. Like you.”

Lafayette grinned, and left the room. He returned shortly, bearing both breakfast, and the vase full of water. He took the flowers from John and put them in the vase in the center of the little table.

“There. Now… I have something I wish to run past you, and please if you are not comfortable, I will understand if the answer is no.”

Lafayette sat on the edge of the tub and set John’s plate down on the table.

“What is it?”

John dug into his breakfast, more shrimp and some fish, his eyes on Lafayette.

“When I was out yesterday, I came upon the sailor who is responsible for your wound.”

He paused, taking a couple bites of his breakfast – something yellow and indistinct looking that he called ‘scrambled eggs’ and John had nearly thrown up after tasting once.

John stiffened, frowning in confusion as he watched Lafayette closely.

“May I tell you a little bit about him?”

Lafayette’s gaze met John’s, hesitant, and watching him closely. John glanced down at the wound in his side, closed and healing nicely into a fresh pink scar. He looked back up at Lafayette and chewed his lower lip, fish forgotten in his hand. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but he trusted Lafayette, so…

“Yes?”

“Thank you my love. This sailor, his name is Matthias. Matti is… quite young, still. He did not intend to injure you, he didn’t see you until too late. He is very grieved, my love, by the thought that he has caused you harm, and that you might be alone in the ocean wounded, or killed. I did not want to tell him too much, but-“

“Bring him here.”

John didn’t even have to think about it, hearing Lafayette’s words, reading the obvious concern in his face.

“What?”

Lafayette stopped, then smiled slightly.

“Mon cher, are you sure? I was merely going to ask if it were alright with you if I told him I knew you were alright, and why it is so.”

John nodded, and took another large bite of his fish. Chewed and swallowed before answering.

“I’m sure. I trust you, Laf, and I know you wouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t like this sailor and think that it was worth trusting him. If it would help him to know I’m alright, you should have brought him here days ago!”

With that, John inhaled the rest of his breakfast, and ducked his head beneath the water to wash. When he sat up, Lafayette was still there, watching him with a bemused expression.

“…go get him!”

Why was Lafayette still sitting there?

Lafayette laughed, and took John’s face in both of his hands. Kissed him thoroughly.

“You are the most wonderful thing, John.”

He whispered. Kissed John’s forehead.

“I will see if I can find him this afternoon, I promise.”

“Okay.”

They passed the morning the usual way. Baths, fresh water, a trip around the house in Lafayette’s arms. Hours spent by the window, watching the street, conversation ebbing and flowing between them like gentle waves on the shore.

\--

John was half asleep in the tub, bathed in afternoon sun and lulled by the gentle breeze. The scent of the flowers had drawn a small, round insect into the room for a while, striped black and yellow and seeming almost too plump for its wings. He’d watched it bumble around the flowers for a while before it left again, and then sank into a daydream, body loose and relaxed.

He heard the door open, and the sound of two sets of footsteps entering the house.

Slowly, he sat up. Yawned. Stretched.

“Mon cher I am home!”

Lafayette’s voice making his heart jump for joy.

“I’ve brought someone to meet you!”

John smiled, ignoring the flutter of nerves in his belly. He heard a second voice, lower, uncertain tones, and tried to calm the tension that had strung his body tight.

Lafayette appeared in the doorway.

“Mon cher, this is Matthias. Matti, I’d like you to meet John.”

Lafayette reached behind himself, and gently guided the young sailor into the doorway, arm around his shoulders. He was shorter than Lafayette, and quite young. Skin gold from the sun, and eyes that were blue, and went startled and wide at the sight of John in the tub. He turned to Lafayette, distress in every line of his body.

“Lafayette! Is that… how did you… what?!”

He stumbled over his words, eyes darting between Lafayette and John, body poised to flee. John suspected it was only Lafayette’s arm on his shoulders that kept the sailor in the room.

“Shh, Matthias it’s alright. I found John the night he was hurt, and I brought him here to recover. I spoke with him about you this morning, and he was eager to meet you.”

Lafayette’s voice was gentle and soft, genuine care that warmed John’s heart to see. He stayed silent for the moment, allowing Matthias time to adjust.

“But… he’s not mad at me? I hurt him, Lafayette, I could have killed him, he should hate me!”

He looked at John again, distressed face so earnest it broke John’s heart a little. John shook his head, smiled gently.

“I don’t hate you. You didn’t mean to hurt me, Lafayette explained what happened.”

At the sound of John’s voice, kind, forgiving, Matthias broke down into noisy tears. Lafayette guided him into the room, sat him down on the stool near the tub, and took to his usual perch on the edge.

“I’m so so sorry John! I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

Matthias wailed, tears streaming down his face. John shifted, reached out and touched Matthias’ shoulder gently.

“Hey, it’s alright Matthias. I know you didn’t mean to, it’s alright. I forgive you. I’m all better, see?”

John waited until Matthias looked, and used the edge of the tub to lift himself up enough that Matthias could see. Clean pink scar, healed well under Lafayette’s careful ministrations. Barely a hint of pain when he stretched and moved.

Matthias nodded tearfully, and scrubbed his face dry with his sleeve, tears slowing.

“You’re sure you’re not mad?”

He asked tearfully. John nodded, rubbing Matthias’ shoulder reassuringly.

“I’m sure. I’m only sad that I didn’t know sooner, so you could have known that I’m alright, and stopped worrying.”

Matthias smiled, a small, unsure smile, and nodded.

“Okay. Thank you, John. Thank you, Lafayette.”

John looked over at Lafayette, struck momentarily by something unreadable in Lafayette’s expression that made his heart skip a beat, dread creeping in at the edges. He looked back at Matthias, calmer now and watching him curiously.

“Would you like to stay for dinner? Is that okay Lafayette? Can Matthias stay?”

He wanted the chance to talk to the young sailor, get to know him a little. Put him further at ease.

Lafayette laughed, and nodded.

“Of course he may join us.”

John smiled brightly, and returned his attention to Matthias, drawing him slowly into conversation and ignoring the strange way Lafayette was watching him.

The afternoon turned into evening, and by the time Lafayette had dinner prepared, Matthias had relaxed completely. As he came out of his shell, John was pleased to find him kind and thoughtful, as curious as Alex but far less sure of himself.

When Lafayette walked back into the room, Matthias was holding John’s tail fin, inspecting it closely and asking soft questions. He paused for a moment, and John was surprised at the dark, possessive look that crossed Laf’s face at the sight of John’s tail in Matthias’ hands. He was glad Matthias didn’t notice.

“Dinner is served.”

Lafayette set three plates down on the table, perhaps a little more pointedly than was necessary, and resumed his perch on the edge of the tub.

Matthias stayed late into the evening, conversation flowing pleasantly between the three of them, and by the time Lafayette showed Matthias to the door, the young sailor was smiling brightly, and John was thrilled to have gotten to know him.

-

It was a long, silent moment between the closing of the door, and Lafayette’s return to the bathroom. Something in his expression stopped John from speaking. He watched Lafayette undress, shifted silently so that he could climb into the tub behind him and settle with his legs on either side of John’s tail. John settled back against Lafayette’s chest, Lafayette’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

For a long time they said nothing, something tense and heavy in the silence, and the way Lafayette was holding John tight.

Finally, moon high in the sky, Lafayette moved John’s hair to the side and kissed behind his ear.

“Little one, you are healed. It is time for you to go home…”

Something in John’s chest twisted, abrupt and painful, his dinner turning to lead in his stomach.

John twisted to look at Lafayette, faces only inches apart. He brought both hands to Lafayette’s face and shook his head. Kissed him like his life depended on it, whimpering plaintively when Lafayette kissed him back much the same.

“One more day?”

He whispered against Lafayette’s lips.

Lafayette stroked a hand through his hair, kissed him again, held him close like he’d never let him go.

“One more day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loooooveeee meeeeeeeee


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Songs not to listen to when reading this (aka, what I listened to when I wrote it):
> 
> coldplay - the scientist  
> hedley - I won't let you go  
> marianas trench - good to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one_golden_sun don't read this in public!

Lafayette didn’t leave the house the next day, spent every waking moment with John. 

 

Breakfast; a seafood omelette for Lafayette, which he barely tasted. Mussels and clams and oysters and shrimp, all painstakingly opened and peeled by Lafayette, and fed to John by hand. Soft, slow, lingering over every morsel, fingers brushing against lips, tongue curling around fingers.

 

No playful splashing at bath time, just gentle caresses, thorough touches. Slow, soft, lingering, as though they could postpone the sunset. Kisses everywhere, and a little brown bird on the window sill singing its song. Sucked each other’s cocks on the edge of the tub, John’s first, then Lafayette’s, a desperate sense of urgency in the air. Safe from what was to come for a moment in the tub, silent, entwined. 

 

One last walk around the house, John touching and looking with the same wonder as the first time, now that he was seeing everything for the last time. Spent the morning on the couch by the window, watching the world go by with the morning sun shining in on their faces, few words left in these last golden hours. 

 

Spent a few hours back in the tub, eyes closed, fingers in hair, cradled in cool still water, and love. 

 

Afternoon on the bed, wrapped in wet towels and each other’s arms. Kisses back and forth as if they had forever. As if the sun weren’t already creeping towards the horizon. As if they’d never have to let go. 

John started crying as the first hints of pink crossed the sky.

“Non, mon cher, my love, please do not cry.”

Lafayette kissed the tears away, his own eyes shining too bright.

“I can’t help it, I love you so much, and I’m so scared.”

Lafayette kissed him slow and deep. 

“Me too, oh John, me too.”

Whispered against John’s lips. Stole his soul, broke his heart. Kissed him again, tongue licking deep into his mouth, taking him apart. John slid his hands up Lafayette’s back, tugged him closer, would have climbed inside him if he could have. 

“Don’t forget me.”

Plaintive, small, almost lost in Lafayette’s sweet mouth. Felt himself rolled, looking up at Lafayette through a sheen of tears that wouldn’t stop. 

“I couldn’t if I tried.”

Kissed him again, deeper, urgent, knees in close on either side of John’s tail. John’s hand found Lafayette’s hair, twining there as he arched up against Lafayette’s body, needed to feel him closer than ever. Lafayette’s hand stroked down his side, and he arched with the touch, soft moan into Lafayette’s mouth. 

“Don’t let me go.”

Pleading, desperate, full of need. Kisses all the way down his stomach, all over his ribs, soft nip at his nipple that made him shiver in delight despite himself.

“I’ll find a way. I promise.”

Tongue teased along his collarbone, dipped into the hollow at the base of his neck and up under his jaw. Licked the sweet heartbeat there. 

“I love you so much.”

Sweet, sad, savouring every last moment and holding it tight in his heart. Lafayette’s hand stroked down his back, lifted him enough to tease fingers down his crack, stroke lightly over his hole, over and over.

“And I you.”

Lafayette’s mouth found his again, tongue teasing inside as his finger teased into John’s hole, in and out, slow and sweet, drawing the softest moans from John’s lips. John gasped and arched up, Lafayette’s finger stroking and stretching, then two, curling just so, stroking that secret spot inside him that felt so good.

Lafayette’s hips lowered, rutted gently against him, cock against cock through the thin fabric of Lafayette’s pants. Fingers thrusting, teasing, in and out, over and over until John was squirming and panting in his arms. 

“Please, Lafayette…”

Hands tugging at Lafayette’s heart, heart working overtime in his chest, tears slowed to a soft sheen in his brown eyes. 

“What do you need, mon cher?”

Everything soft, soft, and so sweet with a strong undercurrent of pain. 

“You. Please. Lafayette. If I am healed enough to go home I’m healed enough to do the make love.”

Sharp intake of breath, hips pressed down and rocked more firmly against John’s aching cock. Fingers pressed deeper, more urgent, rubbed against that sweet spot until John was gasping and crying out.

“Are you sure, my love?”

“Please!”

Lafayette shifted off him, settled in behind him, pulled John tight against him, back to chest. Gently withdrew his fingers, kissed along John’s shoulder. Nuzzled his neck, slid his hand beneath John to cradle him close, fingers splayed over his chest. John pressed back into Lafayette, twisting to kiss him. Lafayette’s cock nudged up against his hole, and then pressed slowly in. 

“Oh Lafayette…”

Lafayette’s name a sigh on his parted lips as he filled him up, agonizingly, perfectly slow. Paused for a long moment, hips flush against John. 

“I love how you feel inside me.”

Murmured between kisses. Lafayette’s hand stroking down his stomach. Ran his fingers up the length of John’s cock, moaned deeply at the feeling of John clenching around him, little moan escaping into his mouth. 

Lafayette’s hips started to move, slow, slow, hand stroking in time, a perfect rhythm that John wanted to ride for the rest of his life.

Lafayette kissed behind his ear, whispered sweet nothings into his hair, cock finding that special spot inside John over and over and over, stroking his pleasure slowly higher, warmth spreading through John’s body from head to tail. 

John’s hand found Lafayette’s on his chest, twined their fingers together and held on tight.

Too soon, and not nearly soon enough, his release was upon him and he cried out Lafayette’s name as he clenched around him, spilled into his hand, fell into a million perfect pieces in Lafayette’s arms. Felt Lafayette finish only a moment later, pumping John full with his seed and crying out his name into his hair.

Everything went still and quiet, just two hearts beating too fast. Lafayette withdrew slowly, reluctantly, and emptiness rushed in, and John couldn’t stop the sob that wrenched from his throat. 

“I know my love, oh I know.”

Lafayette’s voice, thick with sorrow, and John twisted around, buried his face in Lafayette’s neck, and sobbed. Lafayette held him tight, the heavy weight of ending pressing down hard on their hearts.

 

They lay together until John got too dry, cried out, towel no longer damp beneath him. Wordlessly, Lafayette lifted him and carried him back to the tub, settled him there with a soft promise to be right back. 

He returned with food and settled into the tub, cradling John close. Fed him delicately, John savouring every touch, every moment, his heart nothing but a gaping wound. 

 

Stayed there until the sun was down and the stars were up, no words, just touch, tangled so close together they could have almost been one. 

 

Lafayette finally left him for sleep when neither could keep their eyes open. Suddenly bereft, John stared out the window at stars he’d never again view the same way. Listened to the sounds of Lafayette shifting in bed through the wall, and couldn’t stay here alone.

He dragged a towel into the water and tied it around his neck, draped down his back. Hauled himself over the edge of the tub and landed ungracefully in a puddle of water on the floor. Pushed himself up on his hands, and, wriggling his tail and crawling on his hands, left the bathroom behind and went to Lafayette. 

Stopped beside the bed, breathing hard, even such a short distance difficult to travel on land. Reached up and touched Lafayette’s face, stroked his fingers across his cheek.

“Hnn? John?”

Lafayette stirred, mumbled something, opened one eye and started in surprise.

“What are you doing here? How’d you get there?”

He sat up in a rush, staring down at John on the floor. 

“I… I couldn’t stay alone, Lafayette. I want to be near you.”

John smiled up at Lafayette, wagged the end of his tail endearingly. 

Lafayette stood, and scooped John up, dumped him on the bed. Lay back down and pulled him close. 

John twined his tail around one of Lafayette’s legs and snuggled close, burying his face in the sailor’s warm neck. Fell asleep like that, holding Lafayette like he’d never let him go.

Dreamed of the ocean all night.

\--

Morning dawned with vigor, spilling brilliant reds and golds in through the window. 

Lafayette woke with the first gentle caresses of sun, his heart a ton of bricks in his chest. He stared down at the sleeping merman in his arms for a long time, taking in his brown, freckled skin, his perfect curls, his sweet mouth, his stunning, iridescent tail. Reluctantly, he shook John’s shoulder. They had to get down to the ocean before the day truly began, so that they wouldn’t run as much risk of being seen. 

“No.”

John’s plaintive, half asleep mumble broke Lafayette’s heart as much as the way he burrowed closer against him. 

“Come on my love, it’s time to go.”

He hated his traitor mouth for speaking the words. He wanted to keep John here forever, wrapped in his arms. But he knew that was selfish, he knew that was no kind of life for a merman. John belonged in the sea, and he… he belonged on land. 

There had to be a way to reconcile it, but he hadn’t found it yet. 

Lafayette pulled back slowly, kissed John’s forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his sleepy, pouty mouth. He could have lost himself there forever, the intoxicating taste of John’s mouth, the way he smelled of all the things Lafayette loved best, the feel of his hands and his skin and his tail… 

John’s hands slid up his back and he pulled away. 

Had to, or he never would. 

“Ready?”

Lafayette wasn’t.

Never would be. 

He stood up anyways, dressed slowly, then wrapped John in a damp towel from the bucket beside the bed, and lifted him up into his arms. John’s arms wrapped around his neck, head nestling into the crook of Lafayette’s shoulder. 

“Can I say yes and no at the same time?”

John whispered.

“Yes, my love.”

Lafayette whispered back. Pressed a kiss to John’s forehead.

The walk down to the beach had never felt so long, had never felt so quick. Lafayette treasured every step with John cradled in his arms, the sun rising bright in the sky above them, breaking through clouds painted every colour from deep purple to brilliant yellow. 

They reached the ocean, the brilliant, vast, open ocean, sparkling gold in the early morning sun, gentle waves reaching up to kiss the shore, over and over and over, and Lafayette recognized himself for ten kinds of fool in that moment.

How on earth had he ever expected to hold a candle to all of this?

“Don’t forget me.”

He echoed John’s desperate words from yesterday back at him. Looked down at the merman in his arms, his wide, wet, brown eyes and the shake of his head, his trembling lower lip.

“I could never.”

He whispered back, his voice tight. But then his head turned, gaze fixed on the ocean, tension humming through his body, a yearning so strong Lafayette could almost feel it himself. There was no denying this. There was no fighting the tide.

Lafayette took a deep, steadying breath, and stepped into the surf.

He waded out into the clear, cold water, gleeful waves welcoming him in, welcoming John home. He felt John sit up in his arms, muscles so tight he was trembling, leaning towards the water and away from Lafayette despite himself. 

With every step, Lafayette’s heart weighed heavier on him.

With every step, he felt John farther and farther away.

He was up to his thighs when John let one hand fall, fingertips dipping into the water. A tremor ran through John’s body, a language spoken between ocean and merman that Lafayette would never be fluent in. Not once had the merman felt so foreign to him as he did right now.

He reached his waist and stopped. 

John twisted in his arms, brought both hands to Lafayette’s face, something impatient and wild in his motions, something feral stirring in his dark eyes. 

“I love you so much.”

Tugged Lafayette’s head down into a fierce kiss that took his breath away. 

“I love you too, John.”

Lafayette murmured. He let himself pause for a long moment and just drink in the sight of the merman in his arms, trying to commit every tiny detail to memory.

Then, desperately wishing it wasn’t so, Lafayette lowered John into the water, took a deep breath…

And let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to extend my deepest thanks to everyone who has come along on this emotional rollercoaster with me. I love you all so very much.
> 
> I promise this is not the end.
> 
> (as always, comments make the world go round!)


	13. Chapter 13

Water.

Salt air, and the breeze.

It wasn’t that John wanted to leave Lafayette behind.

Not at all.

But the yearning for the ocean was so deep into his bones, a pull so strong in his heart now that he was here again that it overrode everything and made him impatient to go. The tide pulled at the deepest parts of him, the waves a song in his head that he had to answer, and after so long apart, reunion was the most delicious intoxication.

He’d clung to just enough of a shred of his mind to kiss Lafayette –desperate, frantic, trying to express the depth of his love as the ocean yanked him back – and then he was in the water.

The ocean reclaimed what belonged to it.

This was always true.

The second Lafayette let go, John was gone.

Joy. Freedom. Rapture.

John flew through the ocean, zipping through currents, over sand, past rocks and fish and jellyfish and a pod of dolphins who raced gleefully alongside him for a while, chattering away. He dove down to the ocean floor, rolled in the sand, scratched every itch. He leaped a wave like a flying fish, sailing out into the air and back down into the water.

He hadn’t known quite how much he’d missed this, how he needed it. He felt as though he’d come alive again, awake after sleeping far too long. The ocean was all around him, enveloping him, welcoming him back with open arms and he dove right in. Home.

\--

Just as John’s euphoria began to ebb and a deeper longing made itself known in the form of a deep ache in his heart, tugging him back, back, back towards the shore, a storm rolled in.

Storms, with the way they brought rain to the world and doused everything with water, and the way they churned the sea up into a fever pitch, brought their own wild ecstasy to the merfolk.

John was alone. He’d gone home to Father and the other merfolk, had received nothing but scorn, disbelief, and anger at his assertions that a human had saved his life (sharp pang of longing for Lafayette at the mention of it). Father was angry, started in on him every time they crossed paths, so John left again, giving them space. He’d go back again when they’d had a moment to digest it. In the meantime, he swam and dipped and dove, fed as he pleased, and rejoiced.

The storm coaxed him to the water’s surface.

He leaped with the waves, played and danced and felt the rain on his skin and the wind whipped right through him, and the water was wild and dark and churning, and he was free, free, free.

And lonely.

His sense of rightness at being back in the ocean set slightly off kilter by the sharp ache of loss in his heart.

Two sunrises had passed since Lafayette let him go, and the sailor was suddenly back in the forefront of his thoughts, a longing that nearly rivaled his need for the ocean.

Without a moment’s hesitation, John turned for the shore, and swam.

He stayed close to the surface, flirting between wet sky and sea, diving and leaping.

He was closing in on the shore when he saw the boat. It was a small boat, caught in the wind and waves, helplessly tossed about.

John swam closer, trying to get a look. He’d watched the humans from afar for long enough to know that the boats weren’t usually out when the weather was this wild. The humans didn’t like a wild sea, retreated to land in a hurry when storms whipped up. So why was this little boat out here?

He popped his head back up out of the water just in time to see a huge rogue wave, giant wall of water, and he dove back down. It was safer under, when the ocean got really unpredictable. It could get disorienting even for a merman to be caught between ocean and air, tumbled and tossed around.

When he surfaced again, the boat was gone.

He swam closer to where the boat had been, and his blood ran cold at the sight of splintered wood. The boat wasn’t gone, it was shattered. Had there been a human on the boat? Once upon a time, he wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but now… now he knew Lafayette, and Alex, and Matthias. He dove under the water, swam the rest of the way over, dodging wreckage in the tumultuous waters.

There, caught in the current, tossed helpless in rough water, was Lafayette.

With a cry of horror, John dove for him.

He got his arms around Lafayette’s middle, was nearly dragged deeper when Lafayette struggled against him, panicked.

On land, Lafayette was far stronger than John. But in the water, John was stronger. With a furious whip of his tail, he dragged Lafayette to the surface, got his head above water. They were promptly doused with another wave. He had to get Lafayette somewhere calmer. They surfaced again, Lafayette still struggling in a blind panic.

“It’s me! It’s okay, I’ve got you!”

Paddled his tail furiously to keep their heads above the surface. Another wave crashed over them.

Surfaced again.

“Breathe!”

Another wave, tumbling them down under the water. Lafayette’s panic intensifying. John could barely hold onto him, knew he was past hearing him, but had to get him calmed down.

Surfaced again.

Grabbed Lafayette’s chin in one hand and kissed him, hard. His heart sang at the contact. In the midst of the storm, he was finally whole. Surrounded by the ocean, wild with life and joy, his sailor in his arms, it was everything he needed in his life all at the same time.

Lafayette froze, shocked out of his panic as surely as if John had slapped him.

John felt the change, broke off the kiss.

“Breathe!”

He shouted again. Felt Lafayette listen, take a deep breath just in time for another wave to crash over their heads and send them tumbling. Held Lafayette tight through his instinctive panic, and then they were up again.

“Breathe!”

Lafayette breathed.

“Breathe out when we go under!”

Started to swim, holding Lafayette tight, powerful tail propelling them away from the boat towards a quiet cove he knew was not far from here, somewhere they could shelter through the storm.

He lost count of how many times they were sent head over tail through the water, how many times he shouted at Lafayette to breathe, how many long minutes it took, Lafayette’s heart racing against his chest. The last stretch was the hardest, where the sea narrowed to the mouth of the cove, currents strong and full of opinion here, trying to tug them down, or out to sea, greedy and jealous of the prize John held in his arms. The waves were wicked here, all their power compressed unwillingly through the gap in the rocks.

Then they were through.

The water was calmer on the other side, high cliffs sheltering from the wind and the waves. John’s whole body screamed with effort, the shore so close, so far away. At least Lafayette was calmer now, though he still panicked every time a wave rolled them under.

John guided them around some rocks, through a lush kelp bed, and up into shallow water that was calm even in this wild weather. Lafayette was tense and silent in his arms.

Finally, they were shallow enough that John could let Lafayette go, and he crawled on hands and knees out onto the sand, and collapsed there, breathing hard.

John dragged himself up beside Lafayette and flopped down, dizzy with exertion.

Wordlessly, Lafayette tossed an arm over John’s middle, and dragged him close, buried his face in John’s neck. His heart was racing, whole body trembling.

John slid an arm over Lafayette, held him tight, too exhausted to speak. He closed his eyes, the feel of Lafayette’s wildly beating heart against his chest enough to bring him to tears. How close he’d come to losing the most precious thing in his life, forever.

They lay in silence, holding each other tight until long after their breathing had slowed, heartbeats back to normal, the burning of exertion replaced by simple exhaustion. The gentle surf lapped around them, washing in and out, gentle, soft. An apology.

Long after, Lafayette pulled back, head resting in the sand, and stroked his trembling hand over John’s cheek as if seeing him for the very first time.

“How did you find me?”

He whispered. John smiled a tired, lopsided smile. Wagged the end of his tail in the air.

“I didn’t. I was just lucky to be there.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, leaned into Lafayette’s gentle touch.

“What were you doing out in the storm?”

John caressed Lafayette’s cheek, wound his fingers through Lafayette’s wet hair.

“An errand. The storm blew in fast and I was caught.”

Sly look to the side, small smile, a little secret. John’s curiosity piqued, but he didn’t press.

“Why didn’t you swim?”

“I don’t know how.”

This, John couldn’t let go. He pushed himself up on his hands, shocked.

“What do you mean you don’t know how!?”

He stared down at Lafayette, a man who spent most of his life on the ocean in boats, and didn’t know how to swim.

“Just what I said, mon cher. I do not know how. It is considered bad luck for a fisherman to learn to swim, as though you are inviting your boat to sink. Also, it will take more time to die, then, if your boat does sink, and who would want to prolong their suffering?”

Lafayette looked up at him, soft smile and deep brown eyes, prone and exhausted in the wet sand. John just stared back, like Lafayette had two heads.

“That… is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Lafayette shook his head.

“Non, mon cher. Had you not been there, I would have died even if I’d known how to swim. A man is no match for an ocean.”

John had to concede that this was likely true. He lay back down, pressed close to Lafayette once more, held him tight.

“You will learn to swim.”

He muttered in Lafayette’s ear. Good point or not, John would just feel better that way.

“But, little one-“

“No buts. I’m not asking, I’m telling.”

Soft chuckle from Lafayette.

“Alright.”

They lapsed into silence for a long moment, just breathing, safe in each other's arms. John's eyes closed, relief and exhaustion dragging at him. 

“I didn’t think you were coming back.”

John's eyes snapped open again, wide with disbelief.

“Of course I was, Lafayette…”

Sorrow, sharp and clean in his heart at the realization that in his delight at being home, he’d caused Lafayette pain.

“How could I have known? John, how could I ever compare to the entire ocean?”

The insecurity in Lafayette’s voice broke John’s heart and he shook his head, cupped Lafayette’s chin and kissed him, long and deep and full of love, tears brimming in his eyes again. One streaked down his nose, dripped off the end, indistinguishable from the rain.

“You can’t.”

Voice hoarse, heart beating love, pain, love.

“You are like the horizon to me, keeping me steady. Lafayette, you and the ocean… you don’t compare at all, and I love you so much precisely because you don’t. You are something so different, and now that I have known you, I need you so much…”

Heart aching all over again at the impossible reconciliation of his two lives, his two loves.

“Little fish, don’t cry.”

Lafayette smiled, kissed him lightly.

“Now that you have found me again, you will not lose me so easily.”

Nuzzled close again, kissed him deep. John’s heart swelled to bursting, so much love it was hard to bear. His hands stroked over Lafayette’s body, he pressed close, wrapped his tail around Lafayette’s leg.

“I love you.”

“And I you, mon cher.”

More kisses, filled with love and need and comfort.

After that, there was no need for words.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case anyone wondered, this is what a mouse cowry looks like:
> 
> https://farm8.static.flickr.com/7165/6544959385_c395a09603_b.jpg

After that, Lafayette met John at dawn and dusk, on the secluded stretch of beach where they’d first met. Kisses and touches stolen in the seams of day and night. Lafayette smiled with a secret behind his teeth. What it was, he refused to say, no matter how John begged. And John begged. But he could usually be distracted with kisses.

-

John found a mouse cowry in the water, and gave it to Lafayette.

Lafayette brought John the yellow ribbon from the vase of flowers, and tied it around his wrist. John never took it off.

John brought Lafayette choice fish in the evening, and in turn Lafayette opened shell fish and fed them to John with his fingers.

-

One morning, instead of greeting John in the surf, Lafayette waved at him, and pointed towards the docks. Set off at a jog back towards them.

Intrigued, John followed, staying a safe distance out in the water. He watched Lafayette get in a small boat, not unlike the one the storm had demolished those short weeks ago. He rowed out to where John waited, leaned over the side of the boat for a kiss.

“Coming?”

Rowed off, following the coast line.

John followed in his wake, then caught up and grabbed onto the end of the boat, letting it pull him along.

“Lazy.”

Lafayette teased, laughing. John stuck out his tongue – a bizarre gesture he’d learned from Matthias, who came with Lafayette to visit him once in a while. Had sent Alex into a fit of uncontrollable laughter the first time he’d done it at him, and was delighted by the sight of the scholar rolling around in the sand, gasping and laughing, breathless howl of ‘who taught him that?!’.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see, little fish. It’s a surprise.”

Lafayette grinned that secret grin, and kept rowing.

John held on, let Lafayette row them a short ways down the coast, out of view of the village. They reached a sheltered stretch of coastline, and turned into a wide mouthed cove, the water shallow and warm, filled with rocks and kelp beds, nooks and crannies just begging for John to explore. The boat bumped up against a rickety, weather worn dock, and Lafayette jumped out. He tied the boat there, and jumped down into the shallow water.

“So, little fish, how do you like this cove?”

He reached down with both arms and John stretched up, met him halfway. Lafayette scooped him up into his arms and held him close, grinning with triumph.

“I like it?”

To him, all the ocean was the same, and he loved it all. It was a strange question. This cove would be rich with food, though, and the water calm in all weather.

“Good. Come, let me show you the rest.”

John wrapped his arms around Lafayette’s neck and nuzzled close, rejoicing in simply being held in his lover’s arms. Lafayette walked the short distance up the beach to a small house, nestled in the trees. He opened the door with a hip and stepped inside. Carried John around the house, showing him, letting him look and touch, so reminiscent of the first time he’d taken John around his own home that it made tears prick at the back of John’s eyes.

This house was smaller, but had large windows that looked out over the ocean. The furniture in the sitting area was identical to the furniture from Lafayette’s house, save for a large metal tub against the wall, nestled between couch and armchair, with a spout and taps. Like Lafayette’s bath tub, but bigger, deeper.

The bathroom, much the same as the one he’d spent all those weeks in, tub much larger, familiar row of seashells lined up on the ledge.

John frowned, ran his fingers over the mouse cowry, and then the second mouse cowry…

Looked up at Lafayette, brows furrowed in confusion, a question forming on the tip of his tongue.

Lafayette just smiled serenely, secret still between his teeth. Carried John from the bathroom into the bedroom. The same as from Lafayette’s house, with one notable exception. A third tub, right beside the bed, largest of all with its own spout and taps…

Lafayette set him down on the foot of the bed, and knelt in front of him on one knee.

John looked down at Lafayette in confusion.

“What is this?”

He finally asked. It was exactly as Lafayette’s house, but it wasn’t Lafayette’s house, but these things were all Lafayette’s things, his smell in the bedding beneath John.

“This is our house, John. Do you like it? I know it isn’t perfect, but we can work out a plan that is, build something brand new that will allow you full freedom. But for now…”

John shook his head, speechless, his eyes brimming with tears.

“It is perfect.”

He finally whispered.

“It’s perfect because you did this for me, for us…”

Lafayette smiled, reached up and took John’s hand.

“John. I love you so much. I want you to be my forever. The sun in my sky, my horizon line, the first thing I see when I wake up every morning, and the last thing I touch before I fall asleep at night. Do you want that too, John? Will you be my forever?”

John squeezed Lafayette’s hand, nodded, tears spilling over.

“Yes.”

Lafayette reached into his pocket, pulled out something small and silver. Took John’s left hand.

“This… is another human custom. When we are promised to each other forever, we exchange rings. Will you wear this, for me? To show that you are the keeper of my heart?”

Waited for John’s tearful nod, and slid the slim, silver band onto his third finger.

“There. Now I am yours, forever.”

John lifted his hand, fingers splayed. The ring looking as though it had belonged there this whole time.

-

Evenings spent in the cove, splashing and playing. John darting around rocks, Lafayette chasing him, deeper and longer games as Lafayette grew more and more comfortable in the water.

One memorable moment when John stuck his tongue out at Lafayette and swam farther away, out into the deeper water, and Lafayette actually struck out swimming and followed him all the way out to the rock there.

More chasing and splashing, until inevitably John allowed himself to be caught, and then, in the sand and the surf, they would do the make love.

-

Alex and Matthias came to visit often, and they would lay a blanket on the beach in nice weather and share a meal, talking and laughing late into the night. John learned not to allow anyone but Lafayette the privilege of touching his tail after Lafayette, under the influence of a bottle of wine, nearly decked Alex for a casual touch.

-

Another memorable moment when Alex discovered that there was a human food that John liked after all. Gave him half a cookie, and then lost the other half when John tackled him for it and knocked him into the water.

No hard feelings, and a delightful experiment began. Lafayette, Alex, and Matthias would all bring him sweets to try. Discovered that he liked cookies, macarons, and pretty coloured ribbon candy. He did not like cake, muffins, chocolate, or fluffy pastries.

-

In the mornings, John would hold onto the back of Lafayette’s row boat as he rowed, letting go when they rounded the gentle bend in the coast and the village came into sight.

Spent his days in the ocean, visiting with some of the more open minded merfolk. Had the occasional, tense conversation with Father and some of the older merfolk. Hope of a reconciliation eventually beginning to bloom, careful and fragile, but there.

In the evenings, he met Lafayette in the same spot he’d left him, and swam along side the boat, or pulled himself carefully in – felt distinctly odd riding on the ocean in a boat, and even odder once Lafayette taught him how to row it. 

-

When it stormed, Lafayette learned to let John go, the pull of the sea to strong for John to resist, something wild shivering right below his skin. John would be off, like a bullet from a gun, into the rioting seas, to dance with his people in euphoria while the sky kissed the ocean, and the ocean rose up to meet it.

-

The yellow ribbon eventually wore to threads and fell off John’s wrist, but the silver ring remained on his finger.

Gliding along the ocean floor on his way back to the cove after one such storm, John noticed a glitter in the sand. Plucked it into his palm, and discovered a ring. Gold, thicker and bigger than his own. He tucked it into his palm, and brought it with him.

Lafayette met him in the water, waded in up to his knees and bent down to greet John.

John stretched up, kissed him happily, then pulled back. Sat up in the water, and held his cupped hands out in front of him.

“I… Lafayette, you are the keeper of my heart, my forever, just as much as I am yours.”

Opened his hands, offered the ring up to Lafayette.

“Oh mon cher.”

Lafayette fell to his knees in front of John, cupping John’s hands in his, eyes brimming with tears.

“Yes. A hundred, million times, yes.”

Held out his hand so that John could slip the gold band onto the third finger of Lafayette’s left hand.

It fit perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so, I won't lie I feel a little bereft now!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who read along on this far more emotional than anticipated journey with me, ily all. Your comments and kudos have made me so so happy! 
> 
> Special mention and thanks to one_golden_sun, without whom this fic would not exist. Thank you for letting me continue this story and play in your verse (and the modern au as well! ;3). You're the best <3.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr & I like friends:
> 
> @ninyaaaaaaah


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